Get Your Ex Back by Eliminating Fight Traps - Trap No 1: Never Say Always
Did your arguments with your ex always seem to follow the same pattern? They began with the tiniest statement that pushed his or her buttons.
So that person retorted with something that pushed the other person's button.
And around it went, escalating out of control before you knew it.
Chronic and repetitive fighting like this is usually fueled by what I call "Fight Traps.
" A Fight Trap is a provocative action or statement made by one party that causes a reaction in the other party and heats up the conflict.
These traps take many forms, some of them so deceivingly simple and common as to be almost unnoticeable.
But they strike a deadly blow to the constructive communication that's vital to resolving the fight.
Everyone uses Fight Traps, so it's not only you or your partner's fault: it takes two to Tango.
The important thing is that each person recognizes his or her own Fight Trap patterns.
If you want to get your ex back or save your relationship or marriage, you have to become aware of your own Fight Traps.
Otherwise, you'll never get past the same old arguments that led to the break up in the first place.
One of the most common Fight Traps is a behavior I call "Globalizing.
" Globalizing occurs when you make a blanket statement about another's behavior that starts with "You always" or "You never.
" For example: "You never say I love you," or "you always throw your dirty clothes on the floor," and so on.
While at first this may seem innocent, and in the heat of the moment may even seem to be true, the fact is, it probably isn't.
Nobody likes to be generalized about, and 99% of the time such statements really aren't fair, but are gross exaggerations.
Expecting your attacked partner to identify with these across-the-board condemnations would be tantamount to asking that person to commit psychological suicide.
Yes, I said attacked partner, since these kinds of statements truly are a form of attack and you need to see them as such.
While it is true we are always responsible for our reactions to things, the fact is, Globalizing a person's behavior is a provocation.
Such statements do not communicate anything useful or positive, and they don't help keep the peace.
They're most likely going to be met with a retaliatory blow in kind or of something worse.
You can't attempt a reconciliation if you can't get past that same old argument you keep having, so you have to nip that argument in the bud.
When you and your partner recognize your own Fight Traps and learn to curb your own habits of using them, your communication and your relationship will improve 100%.
Then you can get down to the business of creating a truly lasting and loving relationship.
So that person retorted with something that pushed the other person's button.
And around it went, escalating out of control before you knew it.
Chronic and repetitive fighting like this is usually fueled by what I call "Fight Traps.
" A Fight Trap is a provocative action or statement made by one party that causes a reaction in the other party and heats up the conflict.
These traps take many forms, some of them so deceivingly simple and common as to be almost unnoticeable.
But they strike a deadly blow to the constructive communication that's vital to resolving the fight.
Everyone uses Fight Traps, so it's not only you or your partner's fault: it takes two to Tango.
The important thing is that each person recognizes his or her own Fight Trap patterns.
If you want to get your ex back or save your relationship or marriage, you have to become aware of your own Fight Traps.
Otherwise, you'll never get past the same old arguments that led to the break up in the first place.
One of the most common Fight Traps is a behavior I call "Globalizing.
" Globalizing occurs when you make a blanket statement about another's behavior that starts with "You always" or "You never.
" For example: "You never say I love you," or "you always throw your dirty clothes on the floor," and so on.
While at first this may seem innocent, and in the heat of the moment may even seem to be true, the fact is, it probably isn't.
Nobody likes to be generalized about, and 99% of the time such statements really aren't fair, but are gross exaggerations.
Expecting your attacked partner to identify with these across-the-board condemnations would be tantamount to asking that person to commit psychological suicide.
Yes, I said attacked partner, since these kinds of statements truly are a form of attack and you need to see them as such.
While it is true we are always responsible for our reactions to things, the fact is, Globalizing a person's behavior is a provocation.
Such statements do not communicate anything useful or positive, and they don't help keep the peace.
They're most likely going to be met with a retaliatory blow in kind or of something worse.
You can't attempt a reconciliation if you can't get past that same old argument you keep having, so you have to nip that argument in the bud.
When you and your partner recognize your own Fight Traps and learn to curb your own habits of using them, your communication and your relationship will improve 100%.
Then you can get down to the business of creating a truly lasting and loving relationship.
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