If you look after a parent with dementia, there are almost sure to be times when you get really angry.
Now here I'm going to assume that you continue to behave well towards your parent.
But feeling that anger is a problem.
For one thing, people with dementia have great emotional radars.
So they know.
In their gut, in their heart, lungs and livers -- they know you're angry.
That's when they may start acting up.
They may get angry.
They might drop down in function level because of fear or insecurity.
They may become extra needy.
They may have an attack of diarrhea.
As if you didn't have enough to worry about.
So, it's really important for you to deal with your anger.
First, figure out why you're angry.
Why are you angry at your dementia Mom? Here are the usual reasons: 1.
You're tired because you aren't getting enough sleep; 2.
You're not getting time off; 3.
You're lonely and upset with the situation; 4.
You're frightened and overwhelmed; 5.
You resent your Mom getting this illness.
So, sit down and make a list of what underlies your anger.
You probably have multiple reasons.
Most people do.
Anger is complex.
Then, as you look at your list, figure out a care plan for you.
Here are some things you might do: 1.
Arrange for someone to come in while you go out; 2.
Start therapy; 3.
Go to support groups; 4.
Learn more about how to deal with your mother's condition; 5.
Forgive her for being ill and yourself for being angry.
Here are some even more useful things to do.
These, because they are symbolic and even absurd, can change the energy of your anger.
That in itself starts to release its grip on you.
1.
Go for a drive in the car.
Keep the windows closed.
Scream.
Remember, don't take your mother with you on those particular journeys; 2.
Write your mother's name on a piece of paper, go the room next door, place the paper on the floor and jump up and down on it.
Send me ten dollars if it makes you laugh to do this.
3.
Blow up a balloon and stick a pin in it.
And so on, Each one of these actions allows a release of your own trapped energy,.
You might laugh or cry -- it's all good.
If you aren't willing to do any of these things, then ask yourself what you are willing to do to let go of your anger.
Can you: 1.
keep an anger journal? 2.
compose anger songs? 3.
paint anger paintings? All our creativity is essentially a tool for our own well-being and healing.
So anything we can use creatively can help us.
Honesty too is a powerful tool for healing.
You don't have to start by talking abut your anger.
You can start by talking about your feelings about your Mom's illness.
Keep in simple but honest.
She too may well welcome the chance to express herself in response to you.
Sincere honesty is a very powerful connection.
You may not be able to heal your parent's dementia, but you can still heal the relationship between you.
The journey of the heart goes on in every kind of illness and human condition.
We are never not on our human journey as long as our heart beats.