One of the best things about the expanding legalization of marriage for LGBTs is that more couples get to create the wedding ceremony that feels right for them. Everyone's wedding is an expression of who they are, and a way for the couple to sum up the qualities that they love about each other and about the families that they're blending. 

But for a long time, society has tended to restrict weddings only to heterosexuals.


That means that vows can sometimes feel a little too straight. Gay and lesbian couples have had to figure out new words that fit them best.

The good news is that with a few tweaks and adjustments, it's not hard to come up with a ceremony and vows that are as queer as the couple. 

You can set the mood by playing an appropriate song as the guests arrive. The couple might have a special fondness for Get me to the Church on Time from My Fair Lady, or The Impossible Dream, or Madonna's Like a Virgin. (Those might also be terrible choices! Remember, it's all about customizing the ceremony to the couple getting married.)

Often, a wedding will start with a Convocation. These words fit LGBTs as well as straight couples. For example:

"We are gathered here today to share in a celebration of love, and to join together forever the hearts of Anna and Donna. Today in the presence of family and friends, Anna and Donna will join their lives together, two beautiful spirits sharing the most sacred and tender of human relationships."

When it comes to the vows, one professional recommends starting with words like these:

"Do you Donna, take Anna to be your wife (or partner in life or life partner). or to be your wife), your partner, your love and your best friend. Do you promise this day to share your life with her, to respect her, honor her, support her and love her, through life's challenges and celebrations will you stand by her side from this day and for all the days of your life?"

Another gay wedding official offers these words, referencing the long journey that LGBT couples have had to make on their way to civil marriage equality.

Marriage also bestows enormous private and social advantages on those who choose to marry.  Civil marriage is at once a deeply personal commitment to another human being and highly public celebration of the ideals of mutuality, companionship, intimacy, fidelity, and family…..Because it fulfills yearnings for security, safe haven, and connection that express our common humanity, civil marriage is an esteemed institution, and the decision whether and whom to marry is among life’s momentous acts of self-definition. 
 

And a couple spoke these words together at a dream Disney wedding:

"We promise to share with one another the bitter things of life as well as the sweet, to stand together in times of trouble, to help each other, bear each other’s burdens and forgive one another.  We promise to strive against prejudice and misunderstanding, and to seek justice and peace for all people; and, we promise to share with one another the sweet things of life as well as the bitter, to love one another, to enjoy the every-day-ness of our life together, to encourage one another, listen to one another, and to seek forgiveness. We promise to strive for a life of courage, faithfulness, and dignity. In all this we ask God to help and guide us”

You may even wish to make explicit reference to the fight for marriage equality in your vows. One professional recommends these words to reflect on the long period during which gays and lesbians couldn't marry, or were forced to hold ceremonies in secret:

One of the great universals in human life across all boundaries and throughout the world is love. We see it in families, we see it among friends. From the time we are small children in our mothers arms we are taught to value love in others, at first for the benefit it brings us but later just for its' own sake. It sadden us when we see people who have not learned to value, honor, and respect love when they see it in others. Today the world is invited to celebrate a love between two people: The love that binds them together and makes them one. May all who see them, see love and be warmed by its' light.

"The ideals of love, and home and family are as universal as time itself," wrote another officiant, "and the desire to spend a lifetime with the one we love transcends the differences of language and gender, to speak to the very core of what makes us truly human." Another wrote, "Without the right to choose to marry one is excluded from the full range of human experience."

A Unitarian same-sex wedding resource guide recommends the following quote from Albert Schweitzer, which would be suitable for any ceremony regardless of religion: “There are times when our light goes out and is rekindled by another person. Each of us has cause to think with deep gratitude of those who have lighted the flame within us.”

A wedding ceremony can be anywhere from five minutes long to several hours -- it's up to the couple and what they feel matches their personalities. You might also consider adding a moment of silence in tribute to those who wish to marry but still cannot; or ask attendees to make a donation to the cause of marriage equality around the world.