Updated January 13, 2015.

"Do what you did in the beginning of a relationship, and there won't be an end." - Anthony Robbins

Countless couples get stuck in ruts together. Partners lose that twinkle in their eyes for each other, they start to operate as roommates or business partners, and things start to feel dead between them. The good news is that you do not to go to Vegas to renew your vows to renew your relationship. Implement the following steps starting today and look forward to a renewed relationship tomorrow.


1. Do not be afraid to idolize your partner

Unless you are in an abusive or otherwise toxic relationship, it turns out that idolizing your partner can be a good thing. Several articles have been written about how positive illusions of romantic partners is good for relationships. In a thirteen year study, for example, it was shown that when partners idolize each other, it was not only good for the long term health of the marriage, but was also protective against divorce.

Your action step:

Do not be afraid to wear those rose colored glasses next time you steal a glance at your lover. Those quirks that you once admired may now grate on your last nerve, but try to remember why you fell for your partner in the first place, and focus on how great your partner can actually be.

2. Recognize what you appreciate about your partner, and be vocal about it

The importance of gratitude in every aspect of your life cannot be overestimated. Unsurprisingly, gratitude is also a key element to making a relationship work over the long haul.

One study, for example, demonstrated that when couples were more expressive of their appreciation of one another, they felt safer to express themselves with each other. This safety to be vulnerable in a relationship is a key factor in marital stability and makes for a stronger connection.

Your action step:

Implement a gratitude practice. Write down three to five things at the end of every day that you appreciate about your partner, whether it is something he or she did, or something about him or her. Do not keep this information to yourself. Let your partner know. One of the most common mistakes people make in relationships is to think that their partners are mind readers. More often than not, they have no idea that you appreciate them, unless you tell them.

3. Be present with one another

Being present with each other does not merely mean watching television next to each other in the same room, but it means really being emotionally present with one another. Your emotional presence is the best gift that you can give to your partner. In the age of distraction, being present is one of our greatest challenges, but it is also one of the most important things we can do to build stronger relationships.

Your action step:

Make sure the two of you have time during your days and weeks in which there are no distractions. No cell phones, magazines, tablets or newspapers. Just be together. Look at each other, talk and connect. 

4. Make time for each other

Being able to be present with each other is fantastic, but if you have no time in your busy day to actually be together, it will not do you much good. Countless couples grow apart because they put everything on the list above their relationship. It is crucial that you make time for each other.

Your action step:

Do whatever you need to do to make sure that your relationship is on your list of priorities and carve out time to spend together. If it has to go into your calendar to make it happen, so be it. It is vital to the wellness of your relationship.

5. Understand how love works

Thankfully, in the last decade or two, groundbreaking research has been done on what romantic love is all about. When you understand this science behind love and how it actually works, creating a solid and renewed relationship becomes a lot more simple. 

Your action step:

Learn about this new science of love so that you can apply it to your relationship. Do yourself a favor and pick up Dr. Sue Johnson's book, Love Sense: The Revolutionary New Science of Romantic Relationships, which breaks it all down and will show you how you can renew your relationship using this cutting edge new science behind love.

Implementing even a handful of these tips is enough to get you started. Once you get going with this, you may be off to Vegas to renew those vows after all.

<sub>Sources

Lambert N. M. & Fincham, F. D. (2011) Expressing Gratitude to a Partner Leads to More Relationship Maintenance Behavior, Emotion: Vol. 11, No. 1, pp. 52–60.

Martz, J M, Verette, J, Arriaga, L, Slovik, F, Cox, C L & Rusbult, C E (1998) Positive illusion in close relationships. Personal relationships. 5: 159-181.

Miller, P.J.E., Niehius, S. & Huston, T.L. (2006) Positive illusions in marital relationships: A 13-year study. Personality & Social Psychology Bulletin: Vol. 32, No. 12, pp. 1579-94.</sub>