Counselling For The Baby Blues - Dads Can Help Too
Postnatal depression, the Baby Blues, affects over 15% of new mothers in the UK, and the condition can vary in severity from mild depression to very serious suicidal feelings and behaviour. A range of help and support systems exist to help mums through this difficult time, including midwives, GPs and counselling services, but a major resource that is often overlooked and underused is dad.
When a woman suffers from the baby blues it can leave dads feeling confused, frustrated and rejected. What should be a happy time with a new addition to the family can instead be a fraught, stressful, time when he seems to bear the brunt of the anger, tears and frustration of the mother. A previously loving relationship becomes a battle ground in which he seems to have done something wrong, even though his feelings and behaviour haven't changed. The ensuing bitterness does little to help the situation and in the worst cases can actually lead to a break-up of the relationship.
If, however, the dad is involved in the very early treatment and counselling sessions, he not only understands why his partner is behaving the way she is, but can take positive action and be a very large part of the coping structure that will help his partner through this difficult time.
With a little counselling of his own, the dad can be guided on the best way to behave, respond, and offer support. This in turn will improve his own situation as they work through the problem as partners, rather than opponents with the baby caught in the middle.
The positive contribution dad can make includes:
Understanding
Make it clear that the situation is understood, that mum is going through a hormonally driven depression, and is not just being grumpy. Let her know that he is there to support and help in whatever way she needs, even though she may seem to reject that support as part of her anger and depression.
Listening
The male response to problems is to try to fix them. The dad can accept that this not that type of situation, and just listen to his partners point of view, however irrational that may seem at times. Very often the mum is not looking for a solution, she's simply letting off steam and having a rant. It's a great help if the dad can listen patiently and let her work through this.
Take Over The Baby Chores
Taking on the practical tasks of looking after the baby will give the mum a much needed break. Feeding, changing, bathing, getting up in the night - these are all exhausting tasks, and by offering this practical help the mum sees that she is properly supported and gets a much needed break. It also has the added benefit if helping dad bond with the baby.
Let Mum Know She Is Still Loved
One of the issues with the baby blues is that mum feels she lost her own identity and sense of worth as her life becomes one of looking after the baby. She feels she has ceased to exist as a person and is simply there to provide for her child. Dad can do much to make her feel as loved and appreciated as ever. The difficult part for the dad is that whereas in the past a major part of the relationship was sex, the mum will feel much less inclined while she is feeling low and exhausted, so he has to accept that a hug is all the thanks he will receive for his efforts. That hug, however, will pay dividends in the long run.
Seek Counselling of Their Own
The baby blues are hard on dads as well. They're also going through a change in lifestyle and facing stresses of their own as they cope with the change in behaviour of their partners. Many feel like they're living with a stranger and that the person they fell in love with is nowhere to be seen. Counselling not only helps them understand what the mums are going through so they can help them through the hard times, it provides a chance to air their own concerns and feelings.
Dads are often sidelined and left feeling as some sort of victim when the baby blues strike. With the right advice and counselling, however, coping with the situation can become a team effort in which they become a very large part of the solution.
When a woman suffers from the baby blues it can leave dads feeling confused, frustrated and rejected. What should be a happy time with a new addition to the family can instead be a fraught, stressful, time when he seems to bear the brunt of the anger, tears and frustration of the mother. A previously loving relationship becomes a battle ground in which he seems to have done something wrong, even though his feelings and behaviour haven't changed. The ensuing bitterness does little to help the situation and in the worst cases can actually lead to a break-up of the relationship.
If, however, the dad is involved in the very early treatment and counselling sessions, he not only understands why his partner is behaving the way she is, but can take positive action and be a very large part of the coping structure that will help his partner through this difficult time.
With a little counselling of his own, the dad can be guided on the best way to behave, respond, and offer support. This in turn will improve his own situation as they work through the problem as partners, rather than opponents with the baby caught in the middle.
The positive contribution dad can make includes:
Understanding
Make it clear that the situation is understood, that mum is going through a hormonally driven depression, and is not just being grumpy. Let her know that he is there to support and help in whatever way she needs, even though she may seem to reject that support as part of her anger and depression.
Listening
The male response to problems is to try to fix them. The dad can accept that this not that type of situation, and just listen to his partners point of view, however irrational that may seem at times. Very often the mum is not looking for a solution, she's simply letting off steam and having a rant. It's a great help if the dad can listen patiently and let her work through this.
Take Over The Baby Chores
Taking on the practical tasks of looking after the baby will give the mum a much needed break. Feeding, changing, bathing, getting up in the night - these are all exhausting tasks, and by offering this practical help the mum sees that she is properly supported and gets a much needed break. It also has the added benefit if helping dad bond with the baby.
Let Mum Know She Is Still Loved
One of the issues with the baby blues is that mum feels she lost her own identity and sense of worth as her life becomes one of looking after the baby. She feels she has ceased to exist as a person and is simply there to provide for her child. Dad can do much to make her feel as loved and appreciated as ever. The difficult part for the dad is that whereas in the past a major part of the relationship was sex, the mum will feel much less inclined while she is feeling low and exhausted, so he has to accept that a hug is all the thanks he will receive for his efforts. That hug, however, will pay dividends in the long run.
Seek Counselling of Their Own
The baby blues are hard on dads as well. They're also going through a change in lifestyle and facing stresses of their own as they cope with the change in behaviour of their partners. Many feel like they're living with a stranger and that the person they fell in love with is nowhere to be seen. Counselling not only helps them understand what the mums are going through so they can help them through the hard times, it provides a chance to air their own concerns and feelings.
Dads are often sidelined and left feeling as some sort of victim when the baby blues strike. With the right advice and counselling, however, coping with the situation can become a team effort in which they become a very large part of the solution.
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