Rescuing a Relationship
Be sure to read clear through the end of this article so you will not any of this vitally important information.
It all starts with you If your relationship has reached or is reaching the breaking point, do you put all the blame on your partner? Then you need to take a deep breath and rethink the situation because the harsh fact is, you can't rescue your relationship by changing your partner.
The only person you can change is yourself.
This means it all has to start with you.
Take a relationship inventory A good way to start rescuing that relationship is to take a good, hard look at yourself by taking a critical and honest inventory of the relationship.
You'll only need two columns - one labeled Positives and the other, Negatives.
But it is critical that you be totally honest with yourself.
In the Positives column, write down all the positive things you bring to the relationship.
For example, are you a caring person? Do you treat your partner with respect? Are you basically honest with your partner? Do you behave in a way that reflects the fact that you love your partner? Next, go to the Negatives column and write down those things you feel have a negative effect on your relationship.
This might include things such as anger management issues, dishonesty, a need to always be in control, acting immaturely, always finding fault in your partner, being overly critical of your partner or turning into an attack dog when the two of you fight.
Accentuate the positive There's an old Johnny Mercer song that says, "accentuate the positive, eliminate the negative.
" When it comes to rescuing that relationship, truer words were never spoken.
You must work to show your partner all those positives that caused him or her to fall in love with you in the first place.
For example, was your partner attracted by your sense of humor, your honesty, your acceptance of his or her shortcomings or you honesty? Then, these are the qualities you must try to emphasize with him or her.
Eliminate the negatives But even more important than this, is the need to work as hard as you can to eliminate the negatives.
If you were totally honest about the negatives you wrote down in that column, then you know what to do next.
Start working on them! Show your partner that you can change for the better.
For example, if you have anger issues, go get a book on anger management or make an appointment to see someone who can help - a counselor or psychologist.
If you're overly critical of your partner or too controlling, you need to throttle things back and change your behavior.
Is dishonesty an issue in your relationship? Then you need to be totally honest with your partner.
This means that if you come home late or miss an important occasion, you need to admit it and take responsibility for your actions.