Most of us are committed to learning how to move past our blocks to creating financial success and prosperity in our lives and in our marriage.
But why is it that when you add your spouse and money conversations to the mix that it seems like you suddenly create the ingredients for the perfect storm? Have you ever wondered why it is it that you can be so committed to conscious financial growth in your life and suddenly go completely bonkers when your partner makes even the most seemingly benign money request? The challenge here is to come from a place of creativity instead of reactivity and to uphold a deep commitment to work as a team when it comes to handling money conflicts.
Even though my husband and I have made INCREDIBLE STRIDES in our life, there still are times when I experience challenges when it comes to handling conflicts.
I'd like to share my personal story and lessons with you - in the hopes that it will serve to inspire you.
Here's what I've learned about myself, as embarrassing as it is to admit - I like to be in control.
I like to have things done my way and I like to be the one calling the shots! I used to think my husband was the one who got upset and became over reactive during moments of conflict in our relationship.
While he does get reactive at times I've had to get super honest with myself and acknowledge that I also get reactive and anxious.
While it's easy to notice our partner's "growth edges," I've discovered that focusing on my husband's faults will NEVER support me in learning the lessons that I need to learn.
The most valuable insight that I've recently re-learned is that I need to be willing to be aware of my internal state of mind.
I've committed to noticing my inner anxiety level during my conversations with my husband.
In my old way of interacting, my husband would make a request, make a comment, or respond to me in a way that I didn't like.
I would instantly react and become defensive.
Do Your Dragons Come Out When You Talk About Money With Your Partner? I'd get upset and begin telling him what I didn't like about how he had said something.
Our communication would rapidly downward spiral from there.
Echart Tolle, author of Power of Now, refers to the experience of engaging in reactive conversations as being an indication that our "pain bodies" were active.
In moments of clarity my husband has commented at times, "Our dragons are doing battle with one another.
" In my new way of interacting my husband makes a request and instead of getting upset and instantly reacting I internally ask myself, "How do I feel?" "What's going on inside my body?" I am now %100 willing to notice my internal anxiety level.
I notice my mind when it begins to get reactive.
And then I notice all kinds of fear and panic beginning to arise.
I've often told my clients, "Be willing to notice your internal fireworks, instead of creating an external firework show!" Even though I may still "feel on fire on the inside" I'm not reacting externally.
I'm not adding fuel to the fire, with harsh accusing comments towards my husband.
I've noticed that the times when I've become aware of my internal response - that my husband often experiences an emotional shift as well.
After several moments of silence on my part (because I'm observing and "being with" my inner state), often he has said, "I'm sorry I was being reactive, I'm just feeling stressed out because of..
..
" And then the tension eases up and we're able to talk in a more calm and connecting way.
When we're willing to own our inner experience then people, situations and events often magically transform.
Try this next time you find yourself having a financial disagreement with your partner - You will be amazed with the results!