After a Breakup, Resist the Urge to Confront Your Ex!
Have you ever been disappointed because you were dating a guy and you thought everything was going great - and then suddenly he told you he "just wasn't ready for a relationship"? (Can I get an "Amen!") Well, here's the deal: it's not about YOU.
That's the first thing you need to keep in mind.
When a guy says, "I think you're great, but I don't want a relationship," he's telling you the truth! He thinks you're great.
So you don't need to spend hours obsessing over whether he actually liked you or found you attractive.
Yes, he liked you, and yes, he found you attractive.
But the fact remains, he doesn't want to have a relationship.
So what do you do next? What most women do is sit around wondering why, why, WHY?? And then SOMETIMES...
Don't Dial That Number! Well, sometimes there is a little gremlin that gets insides our heads and crosses the wires there, and makes us think that we should confront the guy and ask HIM why, why, WHY?? You know, call him up and casually ask, "Why don't you want to have a relationship with me, you [expletive] jerk?" (Believe me, we've ALL been there!) But please resist the urge! I am telling you right now, it is FUTILE.
No one has ever been "talked into" a happy and successful romantic relationship.
The reason the "why don't you want me?" argument is so damaging, though, is that after you've done it, you feel like complete and utter crap.
Usually all it does is force him to make up some reasons why he broke up with you.
You thought you felt bad when he broke up with you? Make that call and it's like stubbing your toe and then whacking it with a hammer.
(Didn't hurt enough the first time around, eh?) Again, I tell you: if a guy doesn't want to date you, it's about him and NOT you.
It is not an indication of your worthiness or attractiveness, or lack thereof.
It's simply because, for whatever reason (which is pointless to dwell on) he didn't want to have a relationship with you at that point in time.
Okay, So You've Already Dialed It...
Now, if you've already subjected yourself to the painful exercise of confronting a guy who broke up with you, I'd like you to do two things: 1.
Spend absolutely ZERO time beating yourself up about it, wishing you had it to do all over again, and just generally piling on the self-criticism.
What's done is done, and in the grand scheme of things it doesn't matter one bit.
Pick up a book on astronomy and look at the size of the universe, and then tell me that it matters.
It doesn't.
Besides, we've ALL done it.
You are not flawed or messed up in anyway, you're just human! Give yourself a really big break and move past it.
2.
Decide that you will NEVER do it again.
Yep, that's pretty much it.
One more note, though: don't even think about calling the guy up to explain yourself, apologize, or "make things right" in any other way! All that does is bring you right back to the pain.
Move forward and not backward.
You do not need to rectify the situation, you simply need to move past it.
For more tips on how to deal with men and relationships, download a copy of "How To Stop Attracting Jerks: Find Your Hero And Have A Romance Fit For The Hollywood Screen!" It's THE definitive manual for what people are calling "The Hollywood Romance Formula" - a foolproof formula for attracting your real-life version of your dream guy, and making him fall head over heels in love with you!
That's the first thing you need to keep in mind.
When a guy says, "I think you're great, but I don't want a relationship," he's telling you the truth! He thinks you're great.
So you don't need to spend hours obsessing over whether he actually liked you or found you attractive.
Yes, he liked you, and yes, he found you attractive.
But the fact remains, he doesn't want to have a relationship.
So what do you do next? What most women do is sit around wondering why, why, WHY?? And then SOMETIMES...
Don't Dial That Number! Well, sometimes there is a little gremlin that gets insides our heads and crosses the wires there, and makes us think that we should confront the guy and ask HIM why, why, WHY?? You know, call him up and casually ask, "Why don't you want to have a relationship with me, you [expletive] jerk?" (Believe me, we've ALL been there!) But please resist the urge! I am telling you right now, it is FUTILE.
No one has ever been "talked into" a happy and successful romantic relationship.
The reason the "why don't you want me?" argument is so damaging, though, is that after you've done it, you feel like complete and utter crap.
Usually all it does is force him to make up some reasons why he broke up with you.
You thought you felt bad when he broke up with you? Make that call and it's like stubbing your toe and then whacking it with a hammer.
(Didn't hurt enough the first time around, eh?) Again, I tell you: if a guy doesn't want to date you, it's about him and NOT you.
It is not an indication of your worthiness or attractiveness, or lack thereof.
It's simply because, for whatever reason (which is pointless to dwell on) he didn't want to have a relationship with you at that point in time.
Okay, So You've Already Dialed It...
Now, if you've already subjected yourself to the painful exercise of confronting a guy who broke up with you, I'd like you to do two things: 1.
Spend absolutely ZERO time beating yourself up about it, wishing you had it to do all over again, and just generally piling on the self-criticism.
What's done is done, and in the grand scheme of things it doesn't matter one bit.
Pick up a book on astronomy and look at the size of the universe, and then tell me that it matters.
It doesn't.
Besides, we've ALL done it.
You are not flawed or messed up in anyway, you're just human! Give yourself a really big break and move past it.
2.
Decide that you will NEVER do it again.
Yep, that's pretty much it.
One more note, though: don't even think about calling the guy up to explain yourself, apologize, or "make things right" in any other way! All that does is bring you right back to the pain.
Move forward and not backward.
You do not need to rectify the situation, you simply need to move past it.
For more tips on how to deal with men and relationships, download a copy of "How To Stop Attracting Jerks: Find Your Hero And Have A Romance Fit For The Hollywood Screen!" It's THE definitive manual for what people are calling "The Hollywood Romance Formula" - a foolproof formula for attracting your real-life version of your dream guy, and making him fall head over heels in love with you!
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