Why Do You Remain In A Toxic Relationship When You Can Do So Much Better?
Toxic people or spiritual vampires are exhausting and bring a lot of misery to your life. You just never know what to do or not to do because anything can set them off. They will sap the very life out of you if you are in a relationship with such a person. They are miserable and will try to take you down with them if you let them. Unfortunately even when they know better, many people choose to stay in toxic relationships or if they get out, will return to the unhealthy relationship time and again.
If you have been in a toxic relationship so long or by looking at your dating history all you see is one toxic relationship after another you may be asking yourself if it is possible for you to have a healthy relationship. It is possible. First, we need to understand why many, many people stay in toxic relationships or seem to attract the same type of person in their life who will cause a lot of strife and misery in their lives.
Why Stay In A Toxic Relationship When You Know Better?
If you can't remember the last time you had a happy moment with your boyfriend or girlfriend or the happy moments were so fleeting that you keep hanging on hoping for more of those moments when you know that this is an unhealthy situation, here are a few factors that may be at work and why you remain with someone who is emotionally and many times physically taxing.
1. History
While many of us hate it and fight it, most of the time, we grow up and become just like our parents. This is great if our parents are loving, hardworking, strong, etc as you will probably grow up and display these very same qualities. If on the other hand there is a lot of negativity in your parents lives such as abusive relationships, this is all you know about relationships since parents exact the most influence in what a relationship is.
If they have loving and healthy relationships, you will naturally gravitate to having loving and healthy relationships. If on the other hand, your parents are involved in toxic relationships and all you see around you growing up are controlling, abusive and generally toxic relationships, that is what you will seek to create in your own life consciously or unconsciously. In most cases than not, we are the product of our environment.
It is important to remember that if this is the pattern of your life, you are not doomed to repeat the same patterns over and over. It is possible to take your life in a new direction of healthy relationships away from toxic people or spiritual vampires.
2. Self Worth
Another reason that people remain in toxic relationships or continue the same pattern of getting into unhealthy relationships over and over is that they believe that they do not deserve better for one reason or another. In life you will get what you ask for.
You may even say that you want to be in a healthy and loving relationship but if your life shows you toxic relationship after toxic relationship, then your deep seeded beliefs about yourself and what you believe are the opposite of what you are saying and you need to be very honest with yourself about what you truly believe as you will repeat the same unhealthy patterns over and over again. The unconscious self and what we unconsciously believe is usually stronger than the conscious.
3. Falsehood
When relationships begin even toxic relationships, everything is usually great. A toxic person may be on their best behavior until the relationship begins to mean more to you than anything, then their true colors are revealed and by then you are in too deep. Since you have an image no matter how false of how he or she was in the beginning and how loving they were, you hold out false hope that they can be that person again.
Or even worse, you think that you can change them and prove everybody how wrong they are about your toxic boyfriend or girlfriend. You may think that if you love them enough, change yourself enough, etc, that they will become a better boyfriend or girlfriend. This is a lie to yourself. Nothing you do or do not do will ever be enough or be the answer for their toxicity.
The only person that can change another is themselves. If you are looking for a fixer upper, you are simply saying yes to toxic relationship after toxic relationship.
It is important to remember that people can change even a toxic person but it is not your job to fix them. And they have to be willing to change and do the work required. This necessary work may need to be done by them alone.
If you have been in a toxic relationship so long or by looking at your dating history all you see is one toxic relationship after another you may be asking yourself if it is possible for you to have a healthy relationship. It is possible. First, we need to understand why many, many people stay in toxic relationships or seem to attract the same type of person in their life who will cause a lot of strife and misery in their lives.
Why Stay In A Toxic Relationship When You Know Better?
If you can't remember the last time you had a happy moment with your boyfriend or girlfriend or the happy moments were so fleeting that you keep hanging on hoping for more of those moments when you know that this is an unhealthy situation, here are a few factors that may be at work and why you remain with someone who is emotionally and many times physically taxing.
1. History
While many of us hate it and fight it, most of the time, we grow up and become just like our parents. This is great if our parents are loving, hardworking, strong, etc as you will probably grow up and display these very same qualities. If on the other hand there is a lot of negativity in your parents lives such as abusive relationships, this is all you know about relationships since parents exact the most influence in what a relationship is.
If they have loving and healthy relationships, you will naturally gravitate to having loving and healthy relationships. If on the other hand, your parents are involved in toxic relationships and all you see around you growing up are controlling, abusive and generally toxic relationships, that is what you will seek to create in your own life consciously or unconsciously. In most cases than not, we are the product of our environment.
It is important to remember that if this is the pattern of your life, you are not doomed to repeat the same patterns over and over. It is possible to take your life in a new direction of healthy relationships away from toxic people or spiritual vampires.
2. Self Worth
Another reason that people remain in toxic relationships or continue the same pattern of getting into unhealthy relationships over and over is that they believe that they do not deserve better for one reason or another. In life you will get what you ask for.
You may even say that you want to be in a healthy and loving relationship but if your life shows you toxic relationship after toxic relationship, then your deep seeded beliefs about yourself and what you believe are the opposite of what you are saying and you need to be very honest with yourself about what you truly believe as you will repeat the same unhealthy patterns over and over again. The unconscious self and what we unconsciously believe is usually stronger than the conscious.
3. Falsehood
When relationships begin even toxic relationships, everything is usually great. A toxic person may be on their best behavior until the relationship begins to mean more to you than anything, then their true colors are revealed and by then you are in too deep. Since you have an image no matter how false of how he or she was in the beginning and how loving they were, you hold out false hope that they can be that person again.
Or even worse, you think that you can change them and prove everybody how wrong they are about your toxic boyfriend or girlfriend. You may think that if you love them enough, change yourself enough, etc, that they will become a better boyfriend or girlfriend. This is a lie to yourself. Nothing you do or do not do will ever be enough or be the answer for their toxicity.
The only person that can change another is themselves. If you are looking for a fixer upper, you are simply saying yes to toxic relationship after toxic relationship.
It is important to remember that people can change even a toxic person but it is not your job to fix them. And they have to be willing to change and do the work required. This necessary work may need to be done by them alone.
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