People aren't surprised very often by the fact that it HURTS to be broken up with. They are often staggered by the depth of hurt they feel – especially when the breakup was unexpected. Men and women alike can be completely overwhelmed by the pain that seems to consume them in the aftermath of a breakup.

When you are the person experiencing this earth-shattering pain, all you can think about is what you can do to make the pain end. The first thought that comes to mind for most people in this situation is "get your ex back."

It makes perfect sense. The breakup was the cause of your pain. Making up should end it, right?

If only life really were that simple.

If you want the pain to end for good; it's going to take a little more than simply making up or getting your ex back to end it. The important thing to keep in mind in all of this is that there are issues between you that must be worked out before you can reconnect and get back the romance that seems to have lost its way.

The first thing you need to understand is that if you're trying to get your ex back just to end your pain then you're doing it for all the wrong reasons. You need to really sit down and carefully explore WHY you want to get your ex back before you take any action to actually do it.

Put it in Writing

Sit down and write how you're feeling right now. You know that you hurt. But, why are you hurting? Are you hurting because you've been dumped? Are you hurting because your pride has been bruised? Or, are you hurting because you just can't imagine your life without your ex in it?

Write down the reasons you love your ex. Make a list of all the reasons you admire and respect your ex. Then make a list of problems you know of in the relationship.

Are these problems that can be solved? What will it take to solve them? Most importantly, are you willing to do what it takes to solve those problems?

Write it all down and then put pen to paper to come up with a plan of action to help you solve those problems.

Did you know that most breakups happen over one underlying issue? It's true. Once you learn the underlying cause of the breakup you'll be on your way to solving the problems in your relationship so you can get your ex back once and for all.