You became frustrated through the years about working for somebody else.
Right? You did all the work and they took most of the money.
You probably despised the "parent-child" relationship.
Constantly being told what to do as though you were five years old.
One day you finally had enough, so you made the decision to change your job and your life.
You were desperate to find some way to work for yourself.
And--like others in today's economic climate--you preferred to work from home.
No commute, better hours, more quality time with your children and spouse, etc, etc.
All the obvious advantages.
Well, congratulations brave entrepreneur! You finally took the plunge.
But now that you've cut those ties, how do you feel? Perhaps a little scared? Let me tell you why.
The biggest fear that most new entrepreneurs feel is the fear of failure.
What if I'm wrong? What if I crash and burn and look like a complete fool? What if my business folds and my father finds out? What if nobody wants what I have to offer? What if...
what if...
what if? Each of these "what if" questions represents a fear of the unknown.
In turn, this reflects a fear that you won't be able to deal with whatever might happen in the future.
Many people call this a lack of confidence or low self esteem.
If this is a problem you'd like to remove, you'll first need to acknowledge that you have it, and then determine where you learned to feel this way.
You see, nobody is born with low self esteem.
The only fears present at birth are: 1) a fear of falling and 2) a fear of loud noises.
ALL other fears are learned sometime later.
This means that somebody taught you to be afraid.
If you'll take an honest look at your past, you can probably figure out when and how it happened.
People learn most of their beliefs about themselves before age six.
The subconscious mind-where our beliefs reside-is wide open prior to age six.
It soaks up without question whatever a trusted adult tells us.
After age six, something called the "critical factor" develops, and we begin to question much of what we're told.
Now here's the kicker: After the critical factor forms, we only accept a new belief about ourselves if the new one agrees with the ones already stored inside the subconscious.
Is this scary or what? Were you told as a young child that you were really smart and capable? That you could do anything you wanted? Or were you more likely to hear, "What's wrong with you, dummy? Can't you do anything right?" One young man related that his father frequently told him: "You don't have the sense God gave a goat.
" This man believed deeply that he wasn't capable of running a business.
He was afraid to try anything new.
His father had him convinced that he wasn't smart enough to learn whatever he needed to know.
What kind of self-esteem or self confidence would you have if you were taught-at the exact time when your personal beliefs were being formed-that you were stupid, or unreliable, awkward, dumber than dirt, or simply not "good enough.
" Aha! Here's the crux of the matter.
If you weren't good enough to please your own parent, then who can you expect to please? A parent's job is to love and nurture their children.
To prepare those children to become independent and deal successfully with life.
If all you ever heard, growing up, was how dumb or slow or ugly or fat or incompetent you were, why would you risk trying anything new as an adult? You're already convinced that you'll fail.
Make sense? In fact, you've probably proved over and over that they were right.
You very likely gave up-and thus failed-at nearly everything you've ever tried.
As soon as the first small obstacle appears, you quit.
Why? Because you already know that you can't go the distance, so why bother? You'll only give them another excuse to criticize you again.
This behavior is called self-sabotage.
If this sounds familiar, the real problem is NOT with you, and it never was.
It was with your parent or parents.
The actual issue very likely stemmed from the way that parent was raised.
Confident parents are proud of their children's accomplishments without feeling threatened.
They can also deal in a constructive manner with having their authority questioned.
Insecure people in general-bosses, spouses, or parents--feel driven to control, put down, or criticize others.
The reason is because they're desperate to prove that they are capable and in control.
The truth is that they feel weak and inadequate inside.
They're terrified that others might discover how inadequate they really are.
So who's a handy victim in many instances? A small and innocent child who doesn't know any better and couldn't fight back if s/he did.
That may have been you.
Once you understand why you feel afraid of something, you're on track to dissolve that fear.
Go into your memory banks and see if any of this applies to you.
But remember, the parent who demonstrated the harshest and most rigid behavior, was very likely terrified of showing weakness.
Such adults typically want their children to become stronger and more capable than they are.
They mistakenly conclude that the way to prepare their children to be strong is by acting strong and inflexible themselves, and by pointing out the faults that all children have.
Children feel inadequate at times for a good reason.
It's because they ARE inadequate compared to an adult.
As a kid you can't run as fast as an adult, you're not as strong, you can't spell as well, or add up numbers, tie your shoes, cut your meat, reach high places, comb your hair, and on and on.
Why? Because you're a little kid.
And the parent who criticizes a child for every little thing is always reflecting his or her own fears and insecurities.
This has nothing to do with the child.
The child is simply doing what children do, and trying to figure out what life is all about.
Without much help, I might add.
One of the fastest ways to remove such learned fears is to forgive the responsible adult.
Understand that they are only human.
Realize that they were probably doing the best they could at the time, based on their own life circumstances and the way they were raised.
They were desperate to keep you from seeing their own weakness and inadequacy-of not being good enough.
Forgive them, let it go, and move on.
We can't change the past, but we can sure learn from it.
Every entrepreneur feels some doubts when s/he begins a new business.
Nobody can predict what will happen in the future.
But give yourself credit right now for having the guts to try something new.
A venture that offers a chance to make life better for you and your family.
And then move forward as if it's impossible to fail.
Above all else, refuse to quit regardless of what happens.
Declare this instant to prove your parents wrong about you.
Also thank those parents for showing you how NOT to behave with your own kids.
Search for opportunities every day to show your children how much you love and appreciate them.
Tell them over and over how smart they are.
Teach them that you know beyond any doubt that they can do anything they want in life so long as they refuse to quit.
Oh yes, you might also declare right now to heed your own advice.
It could just be the best advice you've ever received.