You know what it feels like.
You see him across the room.
A jolt of electricity runs through your body.
Your heart races and your stomach flips.
You speak to him and the pull to be with this person overwhelms you with it's intensity.
The conversation is effortless and you feel like you've known him your entire life.
This must be it, isn't it? Love at first sight.
Soul connection.
The One.
Why else would it feel so intense and amazing? The Universe has clearly lined up events to bring you two together.
Everything that's ever happened in your life has been leading you to this moment.
But is this really the case? Is what you're experiencing really a love story for the ages? Or are you mistaking familiarity for intensity and chemistry? Most people believe the strongest driving force we have is the survival instinct.
But in fact, our strongest drive is for familiarity.
We hate change and our egos will do everything in their power to keep things the same.
Your ego has the maturity level of a seven year old child.
It reasons through things in a very simple way.
By your ego's reckoning, the status quo has kept you alive so far.
And if it isn't broke, then don't fix it.
This ties in with why we sometimes feel intensely drawn to people who might not be our best partners.
If our 'beloved' has similar traits to our parents then we'll often feel irresistibly drawn to them.
This isn't always a bad thing.
However, if we had difficulties with our parents when we were growing up, we'll be attracted to people who will trigger the same wounds in us as adults.
Subconsciously, we're drawn to these people as a way to 'fix' what happened with our parents.
We see it as a way to finally get the story right and have a happy ending.
Does it ever work the way it intends? No.
Unfortunately, if the bad behavior is familiar to us, it might be a long time before we even realize there's something wrong with the relationship we're in.
We will have built up a high tolerance for the pain we experienced in our childhoods.
If you were used to being lied to as a child, then it's highly likely that you'll tolerate your partner lying to you for a much longer time than someone who experienced honesty while growing up.
If people constantly ridiculed you on some aspect of your appearance as a child, you will very likely tolerate little digs and insults on your appearance from your partner.
This is why in these 'instant connection' situations, you might feel as if you've known each other for your entire lives.
In a way, you have.
Suppose growing up, you were conditioned to tolerate narcissists.
While your partner was growing up, he was conditioned to believe other people exist purely to meet his needs.
Of course you clicked as soon as you met.
From a very dysfunctional place, you are a match made in heaven.
You know how to handle this kind of dynamic.
You understand your role with someone like this, you know what's expected of you.
Sometimes, instant connection can be a good thing.
I'm not saying that every single time we immediately click with another person, it's a sign that we're about to enter into a dysfunctional relationship.
However, more often than not, it's a sign of an old familiar pattern playing out.
The best way to know if your connection is something real, or if it's simply an old pattern, is to take things slowly.
Take your time getting to know this new person.
Pay attention to how you feel.
Intensity doesn't necessarily feel good.
Think of those 'passionately' intense relationships, where both partners physically and emotionally hurt each other because their 'love is so strong'.
Don't be tempted to believe that intensity, even if painful, means love.
Love feels good.
It grows over time.
Love wants what's best for the other person.
Make your mind up now that you want nothing less than real love, not any of it's intense but shallow imposters.