Even The Old Mule-Headed Can Learn New Tricks

by Michael D. Hume, M.S.

Here's a true story of idiocy and self-deprecation. After the Twin Towers fell in 2001 (and after a few days of shock and mourning), like most big-mouths, I started spouting off about what I would do if I were president of these-here United States.

"Three things, three simple things," I said. "First, obviously these terrorist guys hate Israel, and they hate how buddy-buddy we've been with the Israelis yea these many decades. So I'd start pulling back that relationship, and maybe the radical Islamics would start liking us more. And second, as part of that effort, I'd definitely send in troops, or diplomats, or journalists, or whatever, and carve out a separate nation for the Palestinians."

Colonel Wife, long the brains of our family operation (I rank third, behind our Mule), rolled her eyes Heavenward. Before she could reply, though, I forged ahead.

"See, I do those two simple things, and bam! The terrorists will be our friends. But my real stroke of brilliance would be my third move: I'd open up our strategic oil reserves, dump all that oil on the market, and ban any further oil drilling or imports. We'd have enough oil to get through about ten years, and I'd just tell the energy companies and government think-tanks they'd have exactly that long to figure out how to power everything with other sources, like wind and solar. That way, no one could ever say we went to war over oil."

Wife goes, "OK, so you'd plunge us into a global depression and alienate our best ally in the Middle East in an effort to win friends among our sworn enemies."

Hmm, I thought. At this point in my life I'd just finished an intense period of academic study in business and grad schools (that was probably my problem - a nasty infection of liberalism), so I can't claim ignorance. But I did shut my pie-hole and reflect on her words, and on the real impact my brilliant plan would have had.

Since then, Evil President Bush did just about the opposite of my plan, and we all know what happened. We stayed safe for a decade, the economy did well, our friends stayed friends, and gas prices eventually stabilized at less than two bucks. Good President Obama, though, has actually made (or is seriously attempting to make) all three of my brilliant moves! Let's see how that works out!

If gas prices are any indication, my plan would not have been such a hot idea. Ha ha! Good thing I wasn't president.

I've learned a thing or two in the last decade, I guess. I only wish the same could be said of some of our nation's mule-headed leaders.