Prescription Descriptions
Don't you just love pharmaceutical ads? I had to laugh at one the other day.
I mean really laugh, out loud, until everyone was looking at me like I was an idiot.
Why yes, that does happen to me all the time.
How did you...
? Never mind.
Anyway, this one was a TV spot for some kind of an anti-depression pill.
The ad started by listing all the positive benefits of taking the drug.
"Take control of your depression and get your life back.
" Then, it dropped the volume and went into something like 15 minutes of some guy speed reading all the possible side effects associated with taking the drug.
"Possible sexual side effects could occur.
However, the most common side effects are high blood pressure, vomiting, diarrhea, abdominal pain, blood poisoning, insanity, exploding eardrums, disembowelment, mummification, snot crystallization, increased body odor, psychotic episodes, and an overwhelming urge to seek a public office.
In rare instances, these effects were severe and even fatal, especially for those who actually did seek public office.
" Then, the volume comes back up and they repeat the benefits.
"You can fight depression.
Get your life back.
Ask your doctor if a free sample is right for you.
" Say WHAT? Basically, you're saying with these pills I might not be able to have sex, and heck, my veins would probably explode if I tried.
Plus, I'd be too busy running to the bathroom in gut wrenching pain to stay on task, and I might even die, or worse become a politician? But hey, at least I won't be depressed anymore, so who cares! I mean, I can get my life back! Right? Wrong! Excuse me, but THAT is not my life! And if it was, I wouldn't want it back anyway! Still, I wonder? Do you suppose anyone ever really asks their doctor for a free sample of any of these drugs, just because they saw an ad for them on the TV? I mean, I don't know about you, but I thought the doctor was supposed to be the one to decide what kind of medicine I need.
What, are we supposed to just ignore all that? "Hi Doc, I know you went to college, on to medical school, spent years as an intern and resident, and have been practicing medicine since I was 12, but I saw an ad on TV the other day and I was wondering if a free sample was right for me?" I don't know.
Perhaps some people do take the initiative and ask their doctors for free samples.
In fact, it seems some people will ask for and take any drug they can get.
For instance, I was reading the package insert on a certain prescription pain reliever the other day.
Yes, I actually read one of those fine print, 10,000 words per paragraph inserts.
Which, by the way, are absolutely impossible to re-fold the same way they come out of the package.
I mean, I have enough trouble trying to refold a road map, but these little suckers are impossible! Anyway, part of the insert talked about how there were no "significant" side effects involved in overdosing on the drug.
That's kind of a scary statement in and of itself if you ask me.
There weren't any "significant" side effects? Kind of makes you wonder what their idea of "significant" is, huh? What's worse, they concluded that there weren't any "significant" side effects from overdosing on this drug based upon a HUMAN study they conducted.
Yes, a real live HUMAN overdose study.
Again, scary.
Apparently, they had 10 "volunteers" overdose on the stuff - just to see if it would hurt them.
Now, that's intelligence at work there, let me tell you.
What kind of a nutcase "volunteers" to take an overdose of a drug - just to see if it would hurt them? I mean, that WAS the goal of this study.
"Here you go, take all these pills and let's see what all gets screwed up, OK?".
It was no measly little overdose either.
The regular dose for this medicine is 25mg and these idiots, excuse me, these "volunteers" popped off 1000mg of this stuff! That's 40 times the normal dose! Again, what kind of a bonehead "volunteers" for something like this? "Sure, man, give me a massive overdose.
What the heck? I didn't plan on having kids anyway.
Plus, if any part of my body explodes, I can always just sue you guys and get free Happy Meals delivered to my padded cell for the rest of my life.
" Ah, and now we learn the real truth.
Only a real moron would "volunteer" for such an idiotic thing.
Which is, of course, why there were no "significant" effects suffered by the "volunteers".
They wouldn't know what a "significant" effect was anyway unless it was delivered to them by a bullet! Not to mention that anyone taking 40 times the normal dose of a pain reliever probably couldn't feel a darn thing for the next 6 months anyway.
"How are you doing there, Subject #1?" "Oh, good.
I'm good.
Yeah, good.
" "Feeling any effects from the drug?" "Oh no, it's good.
I'm good.
Yeah, good.
" "Are you certain? You haven't noticed anything strange or unusual?" Well, there does seem to be something tickling my hands.
I don't know that it's 'significant', though.
" "No, Subject #1, that's not an effect of the drug.
You just slipped down in your chair and are rocking on your fingers again.
" "Oh, is that all? Well then, it's good.
I'm good.
Yeah, good.
" But seriously, how would they really know if there were any "significant" effects caused by this overdose? How would they go about figuring that out? What procedures would they use? Well, it just so happens I was involved with a major pharmaceutical company's drug testing on cattle at one point in my life.
I remember how we investigated the effects of the drug on the cattle.
Anytime one of the cows had anything weird going on, anything that couldn't be easily explained, or anything the researchers found interesting...
It was shot and dissected! And yes, this same pharmaceutical company makes human medicines as well.
Better be careful what you volunteer for, that's all I've got to say.
Still, it's the ads for these drugs that get me.
Next time you see one on TV, listen to the "possible side effects" they run through, if you can keep up with the speed reader, and tell me if you don't notice what I did.
In an attempt to cure one problem, they may cause you about 10 more that are all worse than the original! Not to mention that almost all of them include diarrhea and vomiting, the two things your body does when it REALLY wants to get rid of what you just ate! Hmmm.
That ought to tell us something.
Perhaps drugs aren't the answer to everything? Of course, there's always more drugs we can take to help us deal with the side effects of the first drug.
And isn't it comforting to know there's a pain reliever out there that you can take 40 times the normal dose of without suffering from any "significant" effects? Oh well.
It's good.
I'm good.
Yeah, good.
I mean really laugh, out loud, until everyone was looking at me like I was an idiot.
Why yes, that does happen to me all the time.
How did you...
? Never mind.
Anyway, this one was a TV spot for some kind of an anti-depression pill.
The ad started by listing all the positive benefits of taking the drug.
"Take control of your depression and get your life back.
" Then, it dropped the volume and went into something like 15 minutes of some guy speed reading all the possible side effects associated with taking the drug.
"Possible sexual side effects could occur.
However, the most common side effects are high blood pressure, vomiting, diarrhea, abdominal pain, blood poisoning, insanity, exploding eardrums, disembowelment, mummification, snot crystallization, increased body odor, psychotic episodes, and an overwhelming urge to seek a public office.
In rare instances, these effects were severe and even fatal, especially for those who actually did seek public office.
" Then, the volume comes back up and they repeat the benefits.
"You can fight depression.
Get your life back.
Ask your doctor if a free sample is right for you.
" Say WHAT? Basically, you're saying with these pills I might not be able to have sex, and heck, my veins would probably explode if I tried.
Plus, I'd be too busy running to the bathroom in gut wrenching pain to stay on task, and I might even die, or worse become a politician? But hey, at least I won't be depressed anymore, so who cares! I mean, I can get my life back! Right? Wrong! Excuse me, but THAT is not my life! And if it was, I wouldn't want it back anyway! Still, I wonder? Do you suppose anyone ever really asks their doctor for a free sample of any of these drugs, just because they saw an ad for them on the TV? I mean, I don't know about you, but I thought the doctor was supposed to be the one to decide what kind of medicine I need.
What, are we supposed to just ignore all that? "Hi Doc, I know you went to college, on to medical school, spent years as an intern and resident, and have been practicing medicine since I was 12, but I saw an ad on TV the other day and I was wondering if a free sample was right for me?" I don't know.
Perhaps some people do take the initiative and ask their doctors for free samples.
In fact, it seems some people will ask for and take any drug they can get.
For instance, I was reading the package insert on a certain prescription pain reliever the other day.
Yes, I actually read one of those fine print, 10,000 words per paragraph inserts.
Which, by the way, are absolutely impossible to re-fold the same way they come out of the package.
I mean, I have enough trouble trying to refold a road map, but these little suckers are impossible! Anyway, part of the insert talked about how there were no "significant" side effects involved in overdosing on the drug.
That's kind of a scary statement in and of itself if you ask me.
There weren't any "significant" side effects? Kind of makes you wonder what their idea of "significant" is, huh? What's worse, they concluded that there weren't any "significant" side effects from overdosing on this drug based upon a HUMAN study they conducted.
Yes, a real live HUMAN overdose study.
Again, scary.
Apparently, they had 10 "volunteers" overdose on the stuff - just to see if it would hurt them.
Now, that's intelligence at work there, let me tell you.
What kind of a nutcase "volunteers" to take an overdose of a drug - just to see if it would hurt them? I mean, that WAS the goal of this study.
"Here you go, take all these pills and let's see what all gets screwed up, OK?".
It was no measly little overdose either.
The regular dose for this medicine is 25mg and these idiots, excuse me, these "volunteers" popped off 1000mg of this stuff! That's 40 times the normal dose! Again, what kind of a bonehead "volunteers" for something like this? "Sure, man, give me a massive overdose.
What the heck? I didn't plan on having kids anyway.
Plus, if any part of my body explodes, I can always just sue you guys and get free Happy Meals delivered to my padded cell for the rest of my life.
" Ah, and now we learn the real truth.
Only a real moron would "volunteer" for such an idiotic thing.
Which is, of course, why there were no "significant" effects suffered by the "volunteers".
They wouldn't know what a "significant" effect was anyway unless it was delivered to them by a bullet! Not to mention that anyone taking 40 times the normal dose of a pain reliever probably couldn't feel a darn thing for the next 6 months anyway.
"How are you doing there, Subject #1?" "Oh, good.
I'm good.
Yeah, good.
" "Feeling any effects from the drug?" "Oh no, it's good.
I'm good.
Yeah, good.
" "Are you certain? You haven't noticed anything strange or unusual?" Well, there does seem to be something tickling my hands.
I don't know that it's 'significant', though.
" "No, Subject #1, that's not an effect of the drug.
You just slipped down in your chair and are rocking on your fingers again.
" "Oh, is that all? Well then, it's good.
I'm good.
Yeah, good.
" But seriously, how would they really know if there were any "significant" effects caused by this overdose? How would they go about figuring that out? What procedures would they use? Well, it just so happens I was involved with a major pharmaceutical company's drug testing on cattle at one point in my life.
I remember how we investigated the effects of the drug on the cattle.
Anytime one of the cows had anything weird going on, anything that couldn't be easily explained, or anything the researchers found interesting...
It was shot and dissected! And yes, this same pharmaceutical company makes human medicines as well.
Better be careful what you volunteer for, that's all I've got to say.
Still, it's the ads for these drugs that get me.
Next time you see one on TV, listen to the "possible side effects" they run through, if you can keep up with the speed reader, and tell me if you don't notice what I did.
In an attempt to cure one problem, they may cause you about 10 more that are all worse than the original! Not to mention that almost all of them include diarrhea and vomiting, the two things your body does when it REALLY wants to get rid of what you just ate! Hmmm.
That ought to tell us something.
Perhaps drugs aren't the answer to everything? Of course, there's always more drugs we can take to help us deal with the side effects of the first drug.
And isn't it comforting to know there's a pain reliever out there that you can take 40 times the normal dose of without suffering from any "significant" effects? Oh well.
It's good.
I'm good.
Yeah, good.
Source...