Parenting Teens
I have decided to hit on the topic of Parenting Teens because it is a topic that is near and dear to my heart.
I have a wonderfully delightful 15-year-old boy.
Recently we moved from to a new state.
As a result, my son went from a school of 700 to a school of 1,700.
The size wasn't a huge concern because the increase in size brings with it an increase in choices for friends, classes, clubs, activities, etc.
An advantage to living in a smaller town, however, was the ability to know where my children where most of the time.
We lived a couple miles out of town so I was constantly doing the "carpool" thing, taking them wherever they needed to go.
Moving has allowed us the luxury of finding a home within walking distance of both of my children's schools.
My 15 year old now experiences the freedom of walking pretty much wherever he needs to go.
I know to many of you this sounds like heaven; fewer trips into town, more time to do the things that interest you, etc.
Actually, I have found this to be much more worrisome.
As I watch my first born fly out the door with his new wings in the wee hours of the morning (school starts at 7:00 a.
m.
), I have to release him to his own judgments and discernment and pray that as he walks through his day he makes decisions that will help his future and not hinder it.
I am no longer dropping him off, driving away and knowing that he is in the secure hands of teachers.
I am allowing him the freedom to walk himself to school and back and trusting that he will come back safely and with no blemishes on his life.
My son is also experiencing the freedom of developing new friendships without parental input.
He alone must determine if this new relationship will bring something positive or negative into his life.
As a parent, it is a little unnerving not to be able to know the families of those that he is building relationships with but we are forced to allow him the freedom to discern who would make a good friend and who he would be better off to stay away from.
I don't want to insinuate that we are not involved at all.
We do inquire as to who he is hanging with and what he knows about them.
We then go into the "consulting" mode and give feedback when necessary.
As we release our control and increase the freedoms I have been surprised (why am I surprised?) he is making wonderful decisions.
As I take the time to ask him about the details of his life (he doesn't always enjoy these sessions) I find that some relationships or decisions that he made when we first moved here have been altered because he found that things were not quite what he thought they should be.
This tells me he is not afraid to deviate from his intentions when he finds they are wrong for him.
That warms my heart.
That fills me with trust in his decision-making and replaces those worries with peace.
As our children reach their teenage years, they no longer need us to be the "hovering helicopters" or the "dictators" directing their choices.
Slowly, they must be released to understand that their decisions are about them.
They are not about us, the parents.
I pray that my son is making decisions based on what is right and wrong opposed to doing things out of fear because of what his parents might think or say.
Transitioning our children into this type of processing also allows us, the parents, the peace of mind that if our kids make bad choices it is not about us.
As much as it will hurt to see them make bad choices, it is about the child and their choices.
And, the only way they will truly learn is to experience the consequences of their choices.
So instead of hovering over them in hopes of protecting them from their choices, we must become "consultants" in their life.
Offering suggestions and thought processes, but ultimately allowing them to make choices in their life and then living with their choices.
Whew! That sounds harsh, doesn't it? Surprisingly, this type of support parenting actually forces them to move ahead in their journey of maturing.
A book my husband and I have grown to love is "Parenting Teens With Love & Logic" by Foster Cline, MD & Jim Fay.
We read "Parenting with Love & Logic when our children were younger.
When we have used the Love and Logic parenting techniques we have found our entire household experiences much more peace and our children act in a much more responsible manner.
Who would have thunk?!
I have a wonderfully delightful 15-year-old boy.
Recently we moved from to a new state.
As a result, my son went from a school of 700 to a school of 1,700.
The size wasn't a huge concern because the increase in size brings with it an increase in choices for friends, classes, clubs, activities, etc.
An advantage to living in a smaller town, however, was the ability to know where my children where most of the time.
We lived a couple miles out of town so I was constantly doing the "carpool" thing, taking them wherever they needed to go.
Moving has allowed us the luxury of finding a home within walking distance of both of my children's schools.
My 15 year old now experiences the freedom of walking pretty much wherever he needs to go.
I know to many of you this sounds like heaven; fewer trips into town, more time to do the things that interest you, etc.
Actually, I have found this to be much more worrisome.
As I watch my first born fly out the door with his new wings in the wee hours of the morning (school starts at 7:00 a.
m.
), I have to release him to his own judgments and discernment and pray that as he walks through his day he makes decisions that will help his future and not hinder it.
I am no longer dropping him off, driving away and knowing that he is in the secure hands of teachers.
I am allowing him the freedom to walk himself to school and back and trusting that he will come back safely and with no blemishes on his life.
My son is also experiencing the freedom of developing new friendships without parental input.
He alone must determine if this new relationship will bring something positive or negative into his life.
As a parent, it is a little unnerving not to be able to know the families of those that he is building relationships with but we are forced to allow him the freedom to discern who would make a good friend and who he would be better off to stay away from.
I don't want to insinuate that we are not involved at all.
We do inquire as to who he is hanging with and what he knows about them.
We then go into the "consulting" mode and give feedback when necessary.
As we release our control and increase the freedoms I have been surprised (why am I surprised?) he is making wonderful decisions.
As I take the time to ask him about the details of his life (he doesn't always enjoy these sessions) I find that some relationships or decisions that he made when we first moved here have been altered because he found that things were not quite what he thought they should be.
This tells me he is not afraid to deviate from his intentions when he finds they are wrong for him.
That warms my heart.
That fills me with trust in his decision-making and replaces those worries with peace.
As our children reach their teenage years, they no longer need us to be the "hovering helicopters" or the "dictators" directing their choices.
Slowly, they must be released to understand that their decisions are about them.
They are not about us, the parents.
I pray that my son is making decisions based on what is right and wrong opposed to doing things out of fear because of what his parents might think or say.
Transitioning our children into this type of processing also allows us, the parents, the peace of mind that if our kids make bad choices it is not about us.
As much as it will hurt to see them make bad choices, it is about the child and their choices.
And, the only way they will truly learn is to experience the consequences of their choices.
So instead of hovering over them in hopes of protecting them from their choices, we must become "consultants" in their life.
Offering suggestions and thought processes, but ultimately allowing them to make choices in their life and then living with their choices.
Whew! That sounds harsh, doesn't it? Surprisingly, this type of support parenting actually forces them to move ahead in their journey of maturing.
A book my husband and I have grown to love is "Parenting Teens With Love & Logic" by Foster Cline, MD & Jim Fay.
We read "Parenting with Love & Logic when our children were younger.
When we have used the Love and Logic parenting techniques we have found our entire household experiences much more peace and our children act in a much more responsible manner.
Who would have thunk?!
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