You don't have to be a rocket scientist to find a man, however finding one you like and then being able to keep him is a completely different ball game.
I can honestly say, I have only dated great guys, and married an even greater one.
Over the years, I have had many late night conversations with frustrated girlfriends of mine, lamenting the fact that they just aren't as lucky as I have been.
It has little to do with luck.
That's the good news.
It has more to do with how women, or at least the majority of women that I have listened to, go about meeting guys.
1.
Wearing the 'I am desperate'-sign There is nothing more unattractive than the 'I am lonely, I need to find a boyfriend'-vibe.
I call it the vibe, because that's exactly what thoughts like that emanate.
Like my friend Sybil for example; the moment she leaves her apartment, she is so fixated on the possibility that maybe today, she'll bump into her dream guy.
Every party, every night out, every walk through the park, her whole focus switches to searching for the next possible guy.
And it shows.
She stops being the funny, beautiful, inspiring person she is and instead becomes this shy, quiet mouse hunting for a piece of cheese as if her life depended on it.
Be happy.
Despite or because you are single.
Make it your number one priority to smile, to have fun, to be proud of who you are.
And if you see a great guy across the room, be nice, but don't impose.
Instead, do the things you do best, do the things you love with as much enthusiasm as you can naturally manage.
If he is into that, he'll have no choice but to notice you.
If he isn't, well he's not worth your time anyway.
2.
The leech approach Ok, so you now have managed to meet someone.
You are hooked, and so you can't wait to call him, send him messages, make comments on his Facebook account.
You want to see him Monday, for lunch and dinner, Tuesday, Wednesday...
Have you ever had a craving for something that you have plenty of around you all the time? Course not.
How do you suppose the guy will develop a craving for you if you are constantly in his face? If you need to, write those e-mails every 30 minutes.
Just don't send them.
Also, don't automatically be available whenever he asks to see you.
That shows him that you have a life, and takes away the pressure of him having to give you one.
3.
'Why would a guy like him fancy me?' My sister started dating a good-looking, successful doctor a few months back.
She still thinks, he's going to wake up and realize his mistake.
Ok, so let me get this straight: he is obviously a smart guy, but dumb enough to want to be seen dating a loser women? Whenever they are in public, her confidence shrinks as soon as he talks to any good-looking or successful woman.
Instantly her entertaining, witty, teasingly competitive nature turns into a pouty, oversensitive personality that indirectly pressures him to pay more attention to her.
There's a reason a guy is with you.
So, if there is at all any question to ask, it is 'Why on earth wouldn't he fancy me?'.
We all get selfconcious.
The trick is to not give into it.
The moment you do, you've lost the battle, and too many lost battles loose the war.
4.
Becoming him So, you're a couple and all of a sudden, you're the bigger Red Sox fan than he is, enjoy eating at Hooters, and find it OK to spend every Sunday in bed until 3pm.
Your neglected friends have to understand this, cut you some slack, after all, you've been so unlucky in Love for such a long time.
Who knows, maybe you really enjoy this new life of yours and maybe he is ok, with you spending every moment of your life together.
Trouble is, it will very soon become routine and if this is not who you are, you'll end up waking up one day, realizing that you've really missed the opera.
Since you have spent all this time doing his things, you'll now expect the same from him.
Trouble is, he's not into the Opera, and doesn't understand your sudden issue.
After all, he has been himself all along.
And assumed you were too.
Either that, or he starts to wonder what he's doing living with a female version of himself.
5.
Making him happy (and expecting him to make you happy) A friend of mine said it perfectly the other day: He is the icing on my cake.
Instead, many women look at their partner to be their other half of the cake.
So they are only half as happy, half as fulfilled without him.
In the beginning of a new relationship, the butterfly feelings and the sense of new masquerade as completing us.
But as soon as the daily routine sets in, the novelty fades, that emptiness will return.
You'll now, consciously or subconciously, expect your partner to fill that void.
And you'll start to measure him based on how complete you feel.
And that, nobody can live up to.
My partner and I have the following arrangement: I take care of myself, and he takes care of himself.
This does not mean that we don't support eachother wherever we can.
It simply means that we are responsible for our own happiness first.
Kinda like being on an airplane when the oxygen masks fall: you can only be of help to anybody else, if you have strapped on your oxygen first.