It wasn't an ordinary day the day I heard the news that Michael Hutchence was reported dead.
I had freshly written a suicide note to my parents and was just going out the door to post it and then to go and jump off a bridge to commit suicide.
I was just passing though our lounge when the news reported that Michael had died and it was suspected that he committed suicide.
I loved some of his bands INXS's songs and yet did not know much about Michael personally.
I didn't know at that time he had written songs about coping with depression all I knew was that suddenly I wanted to live to see what this world full of hypocrites would say about his death.
I lot of jerks in this world call suicide a cowardly act and yet a man going over the trench in Gallipoli to certain death in a useless war is said to be the act of bravery.
As a person that has come to deaths door three times in my life I can say that I am somewhat of an expert on the thoughts of a person who wants to kill themselves and apart form being a person that finds more hope in death then living most often these people wrongly assume that they will lift a burden of their loved ones minds once they are gone.
It was with my letter in hand I went back into my bedroom and laid down and had a sleep.
I got up later in the night and went to a local strip club where I was a local to hang out with some strippers that I loved and liked to be around.
For those of you that know me and my Christian writings you may be somewhat shocked with this admission of the club, but this was the life sinful I was living at the time like the prodigal son.
I struck up conversation with the girls about Michael and whether they thought he committed suicide or not.
Opinion was divided and we all were waiting for more news.
I went home early the next morning after a few drinks and went to bed.
The next day I found out that Michael had been on the phone to several people that he had known the night that he died and had tried to get onto the mother of his daughter I think and had an argument with her current spouse.
I identified that phone ringing as a behavior of mine before I decided to kill myself.
You want to make just one more friendly and loving contact with the people you love.
And as my letter was ten pages long to my parents and family you try your best to make a logical argument why you have resorted to killing yourself.
In that letter you are doing your best to remove the guilt from them that they will feel and you are saying from the depths of your heart as good as you are at expressing yourself, sorry for leaving you behind.
You see, if I had cancer and died then my life would be missed but everyone would not feel guilty of my death.
If I had Aids and died of an infection I picked up and my body could not fight, the people I know would be saddened by my death but they would not feel guilty or responsible in any way for my death.
But somehow in this sick and hypocrites world we live in chronic clinical depression is NOT recognized as a potential fatal disease or state of mind.
Well folks I waited for what would be the conclusion of the matter and the press came out with this idea that Michael was committing some strange sex act of masturbation while chocking himself so as he could have a better thrill of it.
They said by mistake he had killed himself and it was not intentional.
I beg to differ.
Michael made all those phone calls to make contact with the people he cared about and have one last talk to them.
This instead of a note was his way of saying goodbye.
Yet by the time I had seen what the investigations and media had said my anger had led me away from taking my own life.
Three times I have decided and made plans to kill myself and three times God has allowed a person to help me come to my senses.
The last time was a preacher on the streets of a city I used to live in that gave me a direct message of God when I was on the way to see the strippers again and then kill myself.
The preacher said that God had big plans for my life to help other people and tell them about Him and that He still had a few rough edges to take away from my life but in the future I am gong to be used.
Well some of the rough edges have come off my life.
This past year since I have been writing articles the want to leave this world has finally left me and I am making a difference in the reader's lives.
I want to tell you that any person that has killed themselves that you know honestly tried their best to stay living.
It's just that Satan and his demons and the clinical depression spoke to them and told them their was rest and peace in death.
After all many gravestones have rest in peace written on them.
I want to thank Michael for making the choice to die and wish his family lots of love and peace.
I want to encourage all of you who wish to leave this earth behind to get to know God and the living power of the Holy Spirit.
Find a Pentecostal pastor of a church that God speaks to and do what he says to do so God through His Holy Spirit can speak to you.
Ask them if they know a person gifted in prophecy that can give you a message of hope from God or simply write to Mary on my website below and ask her for a message.
If you are not a Christian tell her so and cut and paste this paragraph into your email so that she knows I told you to come to her.
God bless