Women Breadwinners: 5 Ways to Make Your Home Life More Peaceful
For the majority of women breadwinners, here's what a typical day looks like: 1) up at 5 am, 2) before school care drop off by 6:30 am, 3) at work by 7:30 am, 4) cook and eat dinner by 6:30 pm, 5) homework with the kids from 7-9 pm, 6) bathtime/bedtime from 9-10 pm, 7) work/chores/10 minutes of TV (if you're lucky) from 10-11 pm, 2) bedtime at midnight...
And up again five hours later.
Sound familiar? Sure it does.
Although women breadwinners are on the rise, the balance of nurturing, parenting, and household chores is still predominantly the role of the mother.
But, for the woman working 50+ hours a week, adding a full time chauffeur, maid, cook and parent to the table is an overwhelming mix.
No wonder stress is at an all time high.
With all of these responsibilities, it's critical that women breadwinners have new and more flexible options for creating and keeping peace at home.
Traditionally, the options have taken two forms: 1) delegate and 2) systematize.
Delegation can feel like a never-ending "to-do" list.
In other words, write all the chores for the day, separate them out based on what's urgent, important, urgent AND important, or not urgent AND not important and then farm the chores out.
That's great if you don't have an inner control freak that still wants to micromanage everything everyone else does or you lack the constant follow-up others give you when they repeatedly ask you to "help" them complete the tasks you asked them do...
nicely.
Systematize is another common recommendation that people give to help keep the peace.
The argument is that if you have everything scheduled in Outlook or on your Google calendar, then you'll have a digital personal assistant, you'll know where you need to be when, and everything will go according to plans.
Have you tried that? Well, have a 3 year old wake up with a temperature of 104 and see how your nice, scheduled day goes and then let's talk about systems.
Is it important to create time and space for the priorities of your life? Yes.
But is that enough to bring you peace? No...
So if delegations and systems don't bring peace, what will? Here are five new things all women breadwinners can do to bring more peace to their home lives: 1) Create your own bed time.
This is KEY.
There's a reason why small kids have a routine at night: bathtime, storytime, bedtime...
because it creates the quiet rhythm that leads to falling asleep.
As adults, we drop bed time in lieu of checking last minute emails, doing 10 minutes of work that turns out to be 2 hours, and watching reality TV that not only kills our brain cells but distorts our own perceptions of what's exciting and newsworthy.
Give yourself one hour before bed to do the things that calm you down, settle your soul, and fill you with positive thoughts in preparation for good sleep.
Read books you love.
Listen to affirmations.
Meditate.
Create the itinerary for your hour before bedtime and STICK TO IT for at least 14 days.
The change you'll notice will be amazing.
2) Ten deep breaths before you walk in the door.
Whether it's in your car or a walk around your block before going to the front door, give yourself 3-5 minutes to clear your mind of work, release your expectation of chaos at home, and breathe deeply in and out for 10 deep breaths.
It will open you up and allow you to walk into the house calmly and consciously.
When you take these breaths, inhale on a count of 6, hold for a count of 2, and exhale on a count of 6.
3) Open up your 2nd chakra.
Your 2nd chakra (the orange chakra) is where money, sex and power resides.
For many women breadwinners, there are blockages to the second chakra.
Opening up the 2nd chakra requires getting your body moving.
Take a class (yoga, bellydancing, flamenco, anything that opens up the 2nd chakra) in a LIVE class format, preferably with other women in your life situation.
You don't have to be a Lululemon mom or a soccer mom to enjoy fellowship with other, like minded women.
You'll find fellowship, connection, and a chance to connect in a way that you won't get at home.
It'll make you appreciate the ones you come home to much more than you thought you could.
4) Play at least once a week.
When you're used to living all work and no play, even play feels like a chore.
Yes, there are the extracurricular activities for work and for the kids but what do you do every week to get out and play that's actually fun to you? Whatever gives you a sense of fun and enjoyment needs to be on your weekly calendar.
Whether it's Zumba, a comedy show, or a night filled with popcorn, chocolate and reality TV, find what makes you laugh and make it a non-negotiable in your weekly schedule.
5) Get a coach.
Although I listed it last, it is, by far, one of the things that will help the most.
When you have a coach, you have a thinking partner, an accountability expert, a mentor and guide.
You have someone on your side who'll encourage you, challenge you, and support you from the beginning to end of your WHOLE life goals.
A coach is worth every penny you spend.
More importantly, you are worth EVERY penny you spend.
If you can afford a daily trip to Starbucks, you can more than afford a weekly 1 hour focus session with a qualified coach.
And up again five hours later.
Sound familiar? Sure it does.
Although women breadwinners are on the rise, the balance of nurturing, parenting, and household chores is still predominantly the role of the mother.
But, for the woman working 50+ hours a week, adding a full time chauffeur, maid, cook and parent to the table is an overwhelming mix.
No wonder stress is at an all time high.
With all of these responsibilities, it's critical that women breadwinners have new and more flexible options for creating and keeping peace at home.
Traditionally, the options have taken two forms: 1) delegate and 2) systematize.
Delegation can feel like a never-ending "to-do" list.
In other words, write all the chores for the day, separate them out based on what's urgent, important, urgent AND important, or not urgent AND not important and then farm the chores out.
That's great if you don't have an inner control freak that still wants to micromanage everything everyone else does or you lack the constant follow-up others give you when they repeatedly ask you to "help" them complete the tasks you asked them do...
nicely.
Systematize is another common recommendation that people give to help keep the peace.
The argument is that if you have everything scheduled in Outlook or on your Google calendar, then you'll have a digital personal assistant, you'll know where you need to be when, and everything will go according to plans.
Have you tried that? Well, have a 3 year old wake up with a temperature of 104 and see how your nice, scheduled day goes and then let's talk about systems.
Is it important to create time and space for the priorities of your life? Yes.
But is that enough to bring you peace? No...
So if delegations and systems don't bring peace, what will? Here are five new things all women breadwinners can do to bring more peace to their home lives: 1) Create your own bed time.
This is KEY.
There's a reason why small kids have a routine at night: bathtime, storytime, bedtime...
because it creates the quiet rhythm that leads to falling asleep.
As adults, we drop bed time in lieu of checking last minute emails, doing 10 minutes of work that turns out to be 2 hours, and watching reality TV that not only kills our brain cells but distorts our own perceptions of what's exciting and newsworthy.
Give yourself one hour before bed to do the things that calm you down, settle your soul, and fill you with positive thoughts in preparation for good sleep.
Read books you love.
Listen to affirmations.
Meditate.
Create the itinerary for your hour before bedtime and STICK TO IT for at least 14 days.
The change you'll notice will be amazing.
2) Ten deep breaths before you walk in the door.
Whether it's in your car or a walk around your block before going to the front door, give yourself 3-5 minutes to clear your mind of work, release your expectation of chaos at home, and breathe deeply in and out for 10 deep breaths.
It will open you up and allow you to walk into the house calmly and consciously.
When you take these breaths, inhale on a count of 6, hold for a count of 2, and exhale on a count of 6.
3) Open up your 2nd chakra.
Your 2nd chakra (the orange chakra) is where money, sex and power resides.
For many women breadwinners, there are blockages to the second chakra.
Opening up the 2nd chakra requires getting your body moving.
Take a class (yoga, bellydancing, flamenco, anything that opens up the 2nd chakra) in a LIVE class format, preferably with other women in your life situation.
You don't have to be a Lululemon mom or a soccer mom to enjoy fellowship with other, like minded women.
You'll find fellowship, connection, and a chance to connect in a way that you won't get at home.
It'll make you appreciate the ones you come home to much more than you thought you could.
4) Play at least once a week.
When you're used to living all work and no play, even play feels like a chore.
Yes, there are the extracurricular activities for work and for the kids but what do you do every week to get out and play that's actually fun to you? Whatever gives you a sense of fun and enjoyment needs to be on your weekly calendar.
Whether it's Zumba, a comedy show, or a night filled with popcorn, chocolate and reality TV, find what makes you laugh and make it a non-negotiable in your weekly schedule.
5) Get a coach.
Although I listed it last, it is, by far, one of the things that will help the most.
When you have a coach, you have a thinking partner, an accountability expert, a mentor and guide.
You have someone on your side who'll encourage you, challenge you, and support you from the beginning to end of your WHOLE life goals.
A coach is worth every penny you spend.
More importantly, you are worth EVERY penny you spend.
If you can afford a daily trip to Starbucks, you can more than afford a weekly 1 hour focus session with a qualified coach.
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