Ending Co-Dependency
Somewhere along the line I made the decision to end co-dependency and I am slowly but surely progressing along this path.
I only realised that I had decided to end my co-dependency in hindsight but now I realise what the decision to end co-dependency really is.
First let me tell you what the decision to end co dependency is not: 1.
It is not the decision to end a relationship - although it may be required, but if you end one co-dependent relationship you can easily just fall into another one.
2.
It is not the decision to lash out and attack the person you are in a relationship with.
3.
It is not the decision to isolate yourself from other people in order not to be influenced by them.
Put in the simplest form the decision to end co-dependency is 'To be your own person', this implies: 1.
Be yourself - understand your true wants and needs and live for yourself and not for others 2.
Take full responsibility for your actions - do not blame others or circumstances for what may happen to you but also do not give others or circumstances credit for what you may achieve and any progress you make.
3.
Do not look to others for approval or validation for what you are or what you do.
4.
Stand up for yourself and be assertive - do not let others put you down, try to lower your self worth or judge and criticize your actions unjustly.
5.
Finally and most importantly accept, love and respect yourself - you are your own unique person and worthy and deserving of 100% love and respect from yourself and others.
In the end you will still make errors of judgement and mistakes and must accept that your behaviour will not always be perfect but you must understand that these mistakes and errors of judgement do not make you any less of a person or less worthy of love and respect.
My process of ending co-dependency has been as follows: 1.
I made the decision to accept all my faults and accept the blame for the bad decisions I had taken.
2.
I admitted my faults and responsibility for the bad decisions I had made and asked for forgiveness - it is important to note that the recognition of others that you have accepted your faults and now take responsibility for your actions is not required, the key point is to do this in your own mind.
3.
I took the time to understand in what way I was responsible for my failures and how I had been holding myself back and took the decision that from now on I would take control of my life.
4.
I drew a metaphorical line in the sand and decided that I would not allow others to cross this boundary - I would not allow people to try to invalidate me as a person or unjustly accuse me or destructively criticise me.
5.
Now whenever anybody becomes annoyed with me or criticises me in a destructive way or calls me names or belittles me, I never let it go.
I have my say whatever the reaction may be.
At first I would always feel afraid when I started to stand up for myself, I would feel strange when I expressed my feelings and I would feel guilty when I seemed to make arguments more heated by standing my ground.
At first I would react by raising my voice too much in response to verbal attacks and seem childish but this is gradually changing.
With practice and by showing determination my position is becoming more accepted and this acceptance of my new personal reality is further building my self confidence and self esteem.
One of the things that has been most difficult to accept is that I was trampled on and treated like a doormat because I enabled it.
My behaviour and actions actively encouraged people to treat me like this.
If you feel like a doormat and you feel like you are always taken advantage of by other people.
If you feel you always look to others for approval and to validate you as a person.
If you often feel like you are incapable of taking independent action.
DO NOT WORRY.
You like me can begin to turn your life around.
In my case it took going to the brink of financial ruin before I finally woke up to reality.
Maybe by reading these words you can start to turn your life around before you reach this point.
Once you do reach the point of deciding to be yourself you will begin to almost look forward to hardship and seemingly insurmountable problems because they provide the greatest learning opportunities.
Finally you will be able to say 'THE WORM HAS TURNED'.
I only realised that I had decided to end my co-dependency in hindsight but now I realise what the decision to end co-dependency really is.
First let me tell you what the decision to end co dependency is not: 1.
It is not the decision to end a relationship - although it may be required, but if you end one co-dependent relationship you can easily just fall into another one.
2.
It is not the decision to lash out and attack the person you are in a relationship with.
3.
It is not the decision to isolate yourself from other people in order not to be influenced by them.
Put in the simplest form the decision to end co-dependency is 'To be your own person', this implies: 1.
Be yourself - understand your true wants and needs and live for yourself and not for others 2.
Take full responsibility for your actions - do not blame others or circumstances for what may happen to you but also do not give others or circumstances credit for what you may achieve and any progress you make.
3.
Do not look to others for approval or validation for what you are or what you do.
4.
Stand up for yourself and be assertive - do not let others put you down, try to lower your self worth or judge and criticize your actions unjustly.
5.
Finally and most importantly accept, love and respect yourself - you are your own unique person and worthy and deserving of 100% love and respect from yourself and others.
In the end you will still make errors of judgement and mistakes and must accept that your behaviour will not always be perfect but you must understand that these mistakes and errors of judgement do not make you any less of a person or less worthy of love and respect.
My process of ending co-dependency has been as follows: 1.
I made the decision to accept all my faults and accept the blame for the bad decisions I had taken.
2.
I admitted my faults and responsibility for the bad decisions I had made and asked for forgiveness - it is important to note that the recognition of others that you have accepted your faults and now take responsibility for your actions is not required, the key point is to do this in your own mind.
3.
I took the time to understand in what way I was responsible for my failures and how I had been holding myself back and took the decision that from now on I would take control of my life.
4.
I drew a metaphorical line in the sand and decided that I would not allow others to cross this boundary - I would not allow people to try to invalidate me as a person or unjustly accuse me or destructively criticise me.
5.
Now whenever anybody becomes annoyed with me or criticises me in a destructive way or calls me names or belittles me, I never let it go.
I have my say whatever the reaction may be.
At first I would always feel afraid when I started to stand up for myself, I would feel strange when I expressed my feelings and I would feel guilty when I seemed to make arguments more heated by standing my ground.
At first I would react by raising my voice too much in response to verbal attacks and seem childish but this is gradually changing.
With practice and by showing determination my position is becoming more accepted and this acceptance of my new personal reality is further building my self confidence and self esteem.
One of the things that has been most difficult to accept is that I was trampled on and treated like a doormat because I enabled it.
My behaviour and actions actively encouraged people to treat me like this.
If you feel like a doormat and you feel like you are always taken advantage of by other people.
If you feel you always look to others for approval and to validate you as a person.
If you often feel like you are incapable of taking independent action.
DO NOT WORRY.
You like me can begin to turn your life around.
In my case it took going to the brink of financial ruin before I finally woke up to reality.
Maybe by reading these words you can start to turn your life around before you reach this point.
Once you do reach the point of deciding to be yourself you will begin to almost look forward to hardship and seemingly insurmountable problems because they provide the greatest learning opportunities.
Finally you will be able to say 'THE WORM HAS TURNED'.
Source...