On Death: On Dying Well
"Dying Well," a term coined over the course of a number of sessions with a client.
Death is a concern that we all face, sooner or later. It often invokes fear and/or hopelessness/depression. While the vast majority of us are probably aware that we will die some day, it is rarely in the forefront of our thoughts until something or someone tells us that we are likely to die sooner rather than later. Once we begin to think that death is close, we may begin to obsess over questions like "How will I die? Will it hurt? When will I die?" All these questions are asked in an attempt to gain control over death, and they are asked in vain. No one has control over the physical context of our death (how, when, where). However, we do have control over something. We have control over the psychological context of our death. Would you rather die in the midst of worrying about how you will die, or would you rather die in the process of enjoying something that you do? This hit me after I attended a memorial of a family friend who lived through the holocaust and died in his 90s. What was the physical context of his death? He died from a heart attack on a subway. What was the psychological context of his death? Excitement and anticipation of going to a live performance of classical music-- something he always enjoyed. This is what I mean by "Dying Well."
We're all going to die. I can guarantee that you and I will die. Are we going to die in fear and anticipation of our death? Or, are we going to channel our energy into things that bring us joy in life, and die well? The choice is for us to make.
Another perspective on death I learned from reading Love's Executioner, by a psychotherapist-- Irvin Yalom. He recalls a case of a man who developed cancer, and was told that he only has a certain amount of time left to live. The client was depressed and anxious over his death. What ultimately helped this man turn his psychological state around was changing the focus from service to self, to service to others. This man began to give, in whatever way he could, to his family and grand children. He began to help others the best he could. Given the age of the man (elderly), he definitely had a great deal of wisdom to give. This, in a sense, is ensuring a form of "life after death" in memory.
I try my best to avoid a "dogmatic prescription" for whatever ails. So, what I gather from these two cases is the change of the psychological context under which death occurs. In both cases, the psychological context changes by re-channeling one's energy from anticipation of death (or trying to control death) towards something that one perceives to be positive. In the first case, the energy was channeled towards living (enjoying life), as opposed to dying. In the second case, the energy was channeled towards giving as much of one self as possible (one could also say that this was also living).
For more, visit [http://revelationsofapsychotherapist.blogspot.com/]
Death is a concern that we all face, sooner or later. It often invokes fear and/or hopelessness/depression. While the vast majority of us are probably aware that we will die some day, it is rarely in the forefront of our thoughts until something or someone tells us that we are likely to die sooner rather than later. Once we begin to think that death is close, we may begin to obsess over questions like "How will I die? Will it hurt? When will I die?" All these questions are asked in an attempt to gain control over death, and they are asked in vain. No one has control over the physical context of our death (how, when, where). However, we do have control over something. We have control over the psychological context of our death. Would you rather die in the midst of worrying about how you will die, or would you rather die in the process of enjoying something that you do? This hit me after I attended a memorial of a family friend who lived through the holocaust and died in his 90s. What was the physical context of his death? He died from a heart attack on a subway. What was the psychological context of his death? Excitement and anticipation of going to a live performance of classical music-- something he always enjoyed. This is what I mean by "Dying Well."
We're all going to die. I can guarantee that you and I will die. Are we going to die in fear and anticipation of our death? Or, are we going to channel our energy into things that bring us joy in life, and die well? The choice is for us to make.
Another perspective on death I learned from reading Love's Executioner, by a psychotherapist-- Irvin Yalom. He recalls a case of a man who developed cancer, and was told that he only has a certain amount of time left to live. The client was depressed and anxious over his death. What ultimately helped this man turn his psychological state around was changing the focus from service to self, to service to others. This man began to give, in whatever way he could, to his family and grand children. He began to help others the best he could. Given the age of the man (elderly), he definitely had a great deal of wisdom to give. This, in a sense, is ensuring a form of "life after death" in memory.
I try my best to avoid a "dogmatic prescription" for whatever ails. So, what I gather from these two cases is the change of the psychological context under which death occurs. In both cases, the psychological context changes by re-channeling one's energy from anticipation of death (or trying to control death) towards something that one perceives to be positive. In the first case, the energy was channeled towards living (enjoying life), as opposed to dying. In the second case, the energy was channeled towards giving as much of one self as possible (one could also say that this was also living).
For more, visit [http://revelationsofapsychotherapist.blogspot.com/]
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