During the late 60's and into the 80's when divorce was on the rise, children of this generation, often known as "latch-key kids", learned how to fend for themselves.
As a necessity, these Generation X kids were independent, self-sufficient, and understood the importance of assuming responsibilities.
It was a different time then.
Now consider this Generation of kids that were born between 1977 and 1999.
This Millennial Generation is growing up with a parenting style often referred to as "helicopter parenting".
Always hovering, these parents are overly-involved with their children and encourage them to seek "happiness" and pamper them in ways that make them feel "special".
According to Diane Thielfoldt and Devon Scheef in their article, "Generation X and The Millennials: What you Need to Know About Mentoring the New Generation," they are "raised at the most child-centric time in our history.
" These parents are there to confront bad coaching, unfair grades, inadequate job evaluations, and interfere with almost any challenge that faces their "gifted child".
As a result, this generation of young adults have challenges with making good decisions (because they never have to), have a difficult time with the responsibilities that come in the work place (because we do their work for them) and think they are special (because we give them a trophy for just showing up).
In short, the frustrations that come with this new generation of millennials is a direct reflection on the choices "WE" have made as parents.
Instead of teaching them the value of work, we encourage them to perfect their skill as an artist, athlete, or scholar.
We have not expected them to participate in household chores like we did as children.
Instead, we prompt them to achieve excellence while we pay the price (both figuratively and financially).
We shower them with praise and encourage them to set high standards.
Certainly, with these expectations, it is necessary to devote more time to achieving this level of excellence and the routine of work, for example, has to be secondary.
We are more willing to mow the lawn ourselves if it means interrupting their painting acrylic on a life-size canvas.
We relent to taking out the garbage if it gives them more time to study between club sport practices.
We forego our needs to have a clean house so they can fulfill their social calendar.
All the while, we are falling victim to "letting them off the hook" so they can excel and we can feel proud.
As we continue to indulge them and suggest that they have entitlements far greater than previous generations, they come to accept that they are special, that someone else will do it for them, that it is far easier to ask for forgiveness than to ask for permission.
And, sad but true, often they expect that no one will call them on their stuff so taking responsibility for their actions may not even require asking for forgiveness.
Consequences are far and few between.
There is way too much time enjoying life to consider that there may be consequences for the bad decisions (or lack thereof) they make because Mom and Dad are far too busy or far too proud to impose them.
Self-confident to a fault.
Feeling entitled to something without much effort.
Hesitant to initiate without the input from Mom.
Not Surprising.
We ask ourselves, "why does this generation struggle with making good decisions, demonstrate coping skills or responsible behavior, and depend so heavily on their parents?" We really don't have to go too far to figure out why.
It is time to prepare a whole new generation of kids for the world beyond their comfortable nest at 123 Easy Street.
In order for us to properly prepare our youth for the real world, they need to develop skills for independent thinking and the notion of cause and effect.
We need to be conscious when we want to do it for them, speak in their behalf, and catch them when they fall.
It is the perfect place and time to teach them invaluable life skills while they are still in the nest.
Expecting colleges or employers to assume this responsibility is unrealistic.
Move in the direction of setting clearly defined boundaries and establish agreements that both parent and child can agree to and then let the adolescent step into their life fully by making decisions on their own.
As we did when they first learned to walk, we let them fall.
Now, the stakes are a little higher and the lessons more powerful.
We need to help our children understand that they are special and that in life sometimes we have to do things we may not want to do (ie.
clean our rooms, do our homework, mow the lawn, get up early).
I often say to my kids, "I would be doing you a disservice if I didn't expect this as routine.
" It is far more challenging as a parent to see to it that they keep their word, follow through on their agreements or be accountable for their behavior.
It is much easier to let it slide and that is the curse you gift your child.
It is time to re-instigate the notion that our kids are contributors to the family.
With the benefits that come as a member of the family, there are also responsibilities that must be met with accountability.
Life is about balance.
With play, there comes work.
With success, there comes failure.
With mistakes, there comes learning.
Establish family principles that you agree to live by.
Define household rules (in advance vs.
"on-the-fly").
Empower your children to make independent decisions and let them experience the success or the failure.
Let them experience the mistakes so they can learn.
Let them experience real joy at play because they know what a hard day's work looks like.
Seek not to be the guardian of their life; seek to be the example.
Don't make the decision for them.
Teach them how to judge for themselves.
Then let go and let them seek the truth from what they have learned from doing it on their own.
The time is now.