Identity is More About Who You Are - Not What You Do
He hung his head, a reflection of the shame he felt, as he told me that his company had recently "let me go.
" My client, 55 years old, had worked for this company for 22 years.
He had always taken great pride in his job performance and found it hard to believe that his skills and his loyalty now seemed to amount to nothing in the eyes of the higher-ups.
Fighting back tears, which also seemed foreign, he asked me, "Now what do I do with my life?" Unfortunately, this question is being posed over and over again as the economy, the job market and the housing market all struggle to make a comeback.
People are finding themselves unemployed for months on end and feeling under-valued (or not valued at all) by the companies they have reported to for years.
All of this has taken a toll on the individual and the collective self esteem of our society.
For most people, it is hard to separate the core of who we ARE from what we DO.
But who you ARE is so much more than what you DO.
For example, you may have worked as a teacher--that is what you DO.
But there are qualities about you that made you a good teacher.
Maybe you are intelligent, creative, adaptable, empathic, passionate sociable, and articulate.
These qualities are not things you DO.
They define your identity; in other words, they describe who you ARE.
Let's try another one.
My client works as an engineer.
The DOING part of his life involves brainstorming ideas, drawing schematics, designing new construction components.
Notice that DOING words are verbs (brainstorming, drawing, designing).
When we describe what we DO, we also talk in nouns: "I'm a teacher" or "I'm an engineer.
" But what does it take to be an engineer? It requires being detail-oriented, careful, diligent, intelligent, educated, and creative.
These words are all adjectives.
So while DOING involves nouns and verbs, BEING uses adjectives.
BEING words are the core of who you are.
They describe your personality.
So, what you DO might change many times over the course of your lifetime, but who you ARE does not.
Unless a disease or traumatic accident alters your brain in some way, who you ARE will remain static over the course of your life.
No other human can take away these traits from your personality.
This is exciting news in today's tough times.
Ok, so you might have been laid off, let go, even fired.
All this means is that tomorrow when you wake up, you will not be DOING the same tasks you did yesterday or the day before or the year before or for the same boss.
But losing your job does not change who you ARE.
It might feel bad for awhile and it might even seem like you are altered in some way as you grieve the loss of a job.
But the reality is that if you were creative yesterday, this BEING part of yourself is still intact.
If you were intelligent on the job, you are still intelligent without a current job.
If you were detail-oriented and diligent at work, good! Those parts of who you ARE will help you land the next opportunity.
It is a worthy endeavor for everyone to consider who they ARE and to learn to separate this from what they DO.
It is who you ARE that enables you to do what you DO.
During these hard employment and economic times, spend a little time considering the division between BEING and DOING.
What you DO will change again and again.
But who you ARE is stable and will make you desirable to the next employer.
" My client, 55 years old, had worked for this company for 22 years.
He had always taken great pride in his job performance and found it hard to believe that his skills and his loyalty now seemed to amount to nothing in the eyes of the higher-ups.
Fighting back tears, which also seemed foreign, he asked me, "Now what do I do with my life?" Unfortunately, this question is being posed over and over again as the economy, the job market and the housing market all struggle to make a comeback.
People are finding themselves unemployed for months on end and feeling under-valued (or not valued at all) by the companies they have reported to for years.
All of this has taken a toll on the individual and the collective self esteem of our society.
For most people, it is hard to separate the core of who we ARE from what we DO.
But who you ARE is so much more than what you DO.
For example, you may have worked as a teacher--that is what you DO.
But there are qualities about you that made you a good teacher.
Maybe you are intelligent, creative, adaptable, empathic, passionate sociable, and articulate.
These qualities are not things you DO.
They define your identity; in other words, they describe who you ARE.
Let's try another one.
My client works as an engineer.
The DOING part of his life involves brainstorming ideas, drawing schematics, designing new construction components.
Notice that DOING words are verbs (brainstorming, drawing, designing).
When we describe what we DO, we also talk in nouns: "I'm a teacher" or "I'm an engineer.
" But what does it take to be an engineer? It requires being detail-oriented, careful, diligent, intelligent, educated, and creative.
These words are all adjectives.
So while DOING involves nouns and verbs, BEING uses adjectives.
BEING words are the core of who you are.
They describe your personality.
So, what you DO might change many times over the course of your lifetime, but who you ARE does not.
Unless a disease or traumatic accident alters your brain in some way, who you ARE will remain static over the course of your life.
No other human can take away these traits from your personality.
This is exciting news in today's tough times.
Ok, so you might have been laid off, let go, even fired.
All this means is that tomorrow when you wake up, you will not be DOING the same tasks you did yesterday or the day before or the year before or for the same boss.
But losing your job does not change who you ARE.
It might feel bad for awhile and it might even seem like you are altered in some way as you grieve the loss of a job.
But the reality is that if you were creative yesterday, this BEING part of yourself is still intact.
If you were intelligent on the job, you are still intelligent without a current job.
If you were detail-oriented and diligent at work, good! Those parts of who you ARE will help you land the next opportunity.
It is a worthy endeavor for everyone to consider who they ARE and to learn to separate this from what they DO.
It is who you ARE that enables you to do what you DO.
During these hard employment and economic times, spend a little time considering the division between BEING and DOING.
What you DO will change again and again.
But who you ARE is stable and will make you desirable to the next employer.
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