Jane cleared the dining table and asked, "Now that the kids have gone to bed, do you want to settle the accounts for this week?" Jim, her husband said, "OK, we might as well get it over with.
" Both moved to the adjoining rooms and brought their respective folders.
"I'm ready," Jane said.
"OK, ladies first.
" "Thanks, Jim.
Here we go; cooking 700, house- keeping 1000, attending to children 700, WD 2000, penalty 200 and the total works out to$4600.
" Jim squirmed in his chair and read out from his folder, "Working eight hours a day for five days 1000, overtime work 200, buying groceries 500, driving you and the kids two days 300, suffering my boss 300, GS 1600, and it all adds up to $3900.
Why is your figure higher? Let me check your sheet.
" He yanked the folder from her hand and examined the sheet.
"What is this WD may I ask?" "It stands for wifely duties.
" "OK, I listed it in my sheet as GS, 'getting something'.
Why is this difference in our figures?" "On four different occasions, I put some pizazz in it.
" "Hey, what is this pizazz or jazz you are talking about?" "It's another word for oomph, my dear.
" "I see, but I didn't notice it.
When was that?" "You men take everything for granted.
How could you fail to see when I put on a special show and extra effort?" "OK, I'm not going to argue with you, but next time please let me know beforehand, so I have an option to take it or leave it.
OK?" "If you prefer, it will be a la carte service from now on.
" "Moving on, now what is this penalty for?" "For forcing me into it when I had a headache.
" "You women forever complain of headache.
You don't know my boss is a pain in the 'you know where'.
You have to delete this item.
" "Quit complaining.
I see you put 300 against it.
Remember the two days you spent in the bar with your buddies, came home and forced yourself on me.
It stands.
" "So, I owe you $700 for this week.
Let me enter it in the ledger.
At this rate, I'll go broke soon.
" "Jim, I think we should keep it as cash only.
Earlier, it was In God we trust, and the rest pay cash.
Today, it is all the more relevant.
This is a new dispensation, remember.
" "Are you sure?" "Let's not beat around the bush and keep it simple - cash only," Jane said.
As Jim dragged his feet to get the money, the door bell chimed.
Jane said, "I'll get it" and rushed to the door.
It was Mike, Jim's brother.
"Hi, Jane, how you doing?" he said and pecked her cheek.
He carried his bags inside and met Jim.
The brothers hugged and shook hands.
Jim brought a bottle of scotch and two glasses.
After a drink, Mike took out some cash from his brief case and handed it to Jim.
"Here is a grand.
I'll be in town three nights and two days.
I only need bed and breakfast.
" "Thanks Mike.
I hate this, but you know how it is under the new system.
" "Don't worry Jim, I understand.
Hey, where are the kids?" "They had a hectic weekend and have gone to bed.
" Jim handed over the cash to Jane.
"We will share it fifty- fifty, OK?" "How is Dad keeping Jim? Could you pour me another drink?" "He just returned from a tour of the East and Far East last night.
He said he would be here today.
I expect him here any time," he said and refilled Mike's glass.
As on cue, the door bell had chimed, and the old man arrived.
After hugging and shaking hands with his two sons and Jane, he took his seat in the Lazy Boy, stretched his legs and asked, "Where are my grandchildren?" "They have already gone to bed, Dad.
They have school tomorrow.
" "It's my fault, I'm late," the old man said and noticed the currency on the table.
"Hey, what is going on? You playing poker or something?" "No Dad, Jane and I settled our weekly account.
How did your trip go?" "Excellent.
Most of the hotels were empty, so they upgraded our accommodation.
The tourist spots had fewer visitors, and we had wonderful rides.
We had a grand gala time.
But tell me, what is this nonsense I hear about accounts between you and Jane?" "Haven't you heard, Dad? It is the new dispensation.
It is everyone for himself now.
" "Mike, what is wrong with your brother? Has he gone round the bend or what?" Mike cleared his throat.
"No, Dad, it's true.
You must have missed the news.
On Monday, it was the breaking news on all TV channels and radio stations.
The recession, it seems, has hit heaven, and it is strapped for cash.
Now, heaven is out of funds and cannot provide even basic amenities, let alone health care.
It's said gods of all faiths have issued a travel advisory to all visitors to heaven to carry enough cash with them to cover all their needs.
Nothing will be free.
There is a charge for angels, milk, and honey and even for a harp.
" "Stop kidding around.
" "No, Dad, it's for real.
It was a live telecast.
The guy who guards the Pearly Gates appeared in person on the screen and told us.
" "What did he look like?" "I don't remember, Dad.
We were so engrossed and awestruck by what he said that we didn't even bother to notice.
Regardless, it is everyone for himself.
We all have to keep accounts and have stacks of cash ready.
This is a new paradigm.
Our lives will never be the same again.
" Mike looked away from his dad.
"Can you believe Mike paid me a grand to stay two days and three nights in my house?" "And you took it?" Jim bent his head and said, "That is the way it is, now.
" "I don't know what the world is coming to," he sighed and continued, "I don't have much in my savings account.
You mean I have to work for my keep in heaven?" "It looks like it, Dad.
You better be fit.
" "It's unfair to people of my age, grossly unfair.
Since they gave us short notice, they should give several concessions to senior citizens.
" "You could start a union, Dad, just as you did in your factory.
" "Exactly, that's what I'll do when I go there.
Looks like I have a busy day tomorrow making sure everything is squared away with my insurance, house and property and other teeny-weeny things.
I'll say good night.
Say good night to my grandchildren also.
" "Good night, Dad.
" "Mike, we might as well forget about his house and property.
I wonder what he will leave for Mom.
" "We must run early in the morning and tell her to settle her account with him before it is too late.
" "That is the least we can do for her.
Let's turn in.
"