Worst Food Gifts
Food gifts are among the most popular gift ideas for the holidays or any time, but there are some food gifts that don't seem to go over so well.
In fact, some of the worst food gifts have a shared destiny.
Many will end up "re-gifted," which means passing an unwanted gift off to someone else.
Some may even end up in the trash, destined to become landfill fodder.
Knowing what the worst food gifts are can help you to avoid giving them in the first place.
A rundown of food gifts to think twice about giving: Worst Food Gift #1: Canned Ham Nothing says "I care" like a ham in a can, right? There's just something very disillusioning about a ham that is stuffed in a can.
Especially the type that has its own key attached to the back that you insert in the top and crank to "peel back" the top of the can, exposing the ham "product" inside! Once you finagle the ham out of the can, it has those neat little indentions that make it more of a work of art than a tasty main course dish.
If you really think that meat is an appropriate gift, then consider buying your recipient a real ham, with its own real ham shape.
Minus the can, the key, and the cheesy feeling that one must ordinarily get by giving a canned ham in the first place.
Plus, you will avoid someone coming up to you in public, flushing with gratitude, and saying, "Gee, thanks a lot for that canned ham; we had a blast opening up that sucker.
" Yep, save the canned ham for the bomb shelter.
It will go over a bit better when there's nothing left on the planet to eat.
Worst Food Gift #2: Basket of Nuts - in the Shell Call us crazy, but no one in 2011 really wants to (or has to) crack open the nuts that they eat.
What's the fun in that, anyway? Cracking walnuts, pecans, and other nuts is a lot of work and involves special equipment - specifically a nut cracker and nut pick.
Besides, have you ever tried to crack a Brazil nut? Unless you really don't like someone or you think it would be fun for them to work for their snack, don't give them a basket of delicious-looking nuts.
Save the Nutcracker for the ballet.
Worst Food Gift #3: Standard Fruit Basket If you want to say "you're nobody special," then there's nothing like giving a standard fruit basket.
Yes, the standard fruit basket is a good way to say "have a reasonably average and not so bad holiday, I won't be thinking about you.
" Whether it is the out-of-season fruits that are either too ripe or not ripe at all, the fruit basket is a gift-giving equivalent of a pile of rubber dog poo and some plastic vomit.
On the bright side, sometimes the basket is worth keeping, though.
Worst Food Gift #4: The OMG, NO! Box or Basket This box is super popular, but no one wants to get one! It consists of a boxed crate or basket of quote-unquote gourmet crackers, pasteurized cheese food, and summer sausages - that should have been thrown out last winter.
And what is cheese food, anyway? If you give this food gift item, be sure to throw in a roll of Tums and a bottle of antacid as a stocking stuffer.
Worst Food Gift #5: Cheap Wine Also known as Two-Buck Chuck, cheap wine is a horrible, horrible food gift that leaves the recipient screaming "why, why, why?" If you give wine as a gift, it is generally assumed that you know a little something about wine to begin with, other than folks drink it.
That makes giving cheap wine the same as saying "who cares if it makes you sick, at least I got you a gift.
" Enough said.
Avoid these worst food gifts and you will make it through the holiday season in one piece, and with all of your friends, and certainly business associates, still in tow.
In fact, some of the worst food gifts have a shared destiny.
Many will end up "re-gifted," which means passing an unwanted gift off to someone else.
Some may even end up in the trash, destined to become landfill fodder.
Knowing what the worst food gifts are can help you to avoid giving them in the first place.
A rundown of food gifts to think twice about giving: Worst Food Gift #1: Canned Ham Nothing says "I care" like a ham in a can, right? There's just something very disillusioning about a ham that is stuffed in a can.
Especially the type that has its own key attached to the back that you insert in the top and crank to "peel back" the top of the can, exposing the ham "product" inside! Once you finagle the ham out of the can, it has those neat little indentions that make it more of a work of art than a tasty main course dish.
If you really think that meat is an appropriate gift, then consider buying your recipient a real ham, with its own real ham shape.
Minus the can, the key, and the cheesy feeling that one must ordinarily get by giving a canned ham in the first place.
Plus, you will avoid someone coming up to you in public, flushing with gratitude, and saying, "Gee, thanks a lot for that canned ham; we had a blast opening up that sucker.
" Yep, save the canned ham for the bomb shelter.
It will go over a bit better when there's nothing left on the planet to eat.
Worst Food Gift #2: Basket of Nuts - in the Shell Call us crazy, but no one in 2011 really wants to (or has to) crack open the nuts that they eat.
What's the fun in that, anyway? Cracking walnuts, pecans, and other nuts is a lot of work and involves special equipment - specifically a nut cracker and nut pick.
Besides, have you ever tried to crack a Brazil nut? Unless you really don't like someone or you think it would be fun for them to work for their snack, don't give them a basket of delicious-looking nuts.
Save the Nutcracker for the ballet.
Worst Food Gift #3: Standard Fruit Basket If you want to say "you're nobody special," then there's nothing like giving a standard fruit basket.
Yes, the standard fruit basket is a good way to say "have a reasonably average and not so bad holiday, I won't be thinking about you.
" Whether it is the out-of-season fruits that are either too ripe or not ripe at all, the fruit basket is a gift-giving equivalent of a pile of rubber dog poo and some plastic vomit.
On the bright side, sometimes the basket is worth keeping, though.
Worst Food Gift #4: The OMG, NO! Box or Basket This box is super popular, but no one wants to get one! It consists of a boxed crate or basket of quote-unquote gourmet crackers, pasteurized cheese food, and summer sausages - that should have been thrown out last winter.
And what is cheese food, anyway? If you give this food gift item, be sure to throw in a roll of Tums and a bottle of antacid as a stocking stuffer.
Worst Food Gift #5: Cheap Wine Also known as Two-Buck Chuck, cheap wine is a horrible, horrible food gift that leaves the recipient screaming "why, why, why?" If you give wine as a gift, it is generally assumed that you know a little something about wine to begin with, other than folks drink it.
That makes giving cheap wine the same as saying "who cares if it makes you sick, at least I got you a gift.
" Enough said.
Avoid these worst food gifts and you will make it through the holiday season in one piece, and with all of your friends, and certainly business associates, still in tow.
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