Copyright (c) 2010 Lucille Uttermohlen

There are as many reasons for divorce as there are couples getting them. My law practice has centered on divorce for 28 years. I have heard almost every reason for people separating. I read an article recently that posed a question we should all think about. Are we normalizing divorce in this society? Are we too easy on people who get married, and then split?

I think about this a lot. I have clients who divorce after many years because of "unhappiness", "boredom" or just plain "I'm not in love with him / her anymore." In situations where there is abuse, or one of the couple has ended up with a long jail term, the reasons for ending the marriage are obvious. It is hard to maintain a relationship with someone who is cruel, or someone who just isn't accessible. Infidelity is also a frequent marriage deal breaker.

But, ending marriage for the purpose of finding oneself is offensive to some. Some religions prohibit divorce. Some don't. But, when divorce is not allowed by their faith, people frequently ask about annulment. They still want to separate, they just don't want to annoy G-d. They want to follow the letter of the law, but hope its spirit is negotiable.

Does society give too much support to the "no fault" or no real "reason" divorce. Should people ending their marriages because one of them "wants to" be "free to "find themselves", be condemned? Does the existence of children in the family effect the answer? Does the other spouse's contentment with things the way they are make a difference?

I can't imagine being forced to endure an intimate relationship with someone I didn't want to be around. Remember, a married person has to deal with his spouse on a daily basis, and that can be difficult to do if "until death do we part" feels like a life sentence.

Still, vows are made at a wedding, and the spouse who is left behind is justified in feeling that a solemn promise has been broken. Is it fair that one person can renege on the agreement without so much as a "by your leave"

I imagine most people's answers would depend on whether they are miserable in their own marriages. A member of a couple who is not happy may feel that divorce should be easier than it is in most states. The person who is not ready to throw in the marital towel may feel like a client's wife did. She even asked the court to make the man have a psychological exam because he filed for divorce. She felt that they were so happy together that only his deteriorating mental health could make him want out.

If it was up to me, people would undergo counseling before deciding to get married, or live together, if they plan to have children. 2 adults should be able to do what ever they want to each other, but I have seen many families dissolve, and no matter which of the couple is at fault, or even if neither of them is, it really is the kids who get the short end of the stick.

Still, it would be helpful if people had an opportunity to get the information they should consider before making such life altering decisions. They ultimately have to make the decision for themselves. It is too dangerous to leave it up to society or the government.