What Is Your Life Script?
Chances are, you've carried conscious or unconscious beliefs and attitudes around with you which have colored your life.
I think of these as "subtext" or scripts which define the way we look at our everyday and critical experiences.
Some typical scripts are: "Nothing I do will ever make a difference.
" "Nobody cares about how I feel.
" "I'm always the responsible one.
" "I'm not good enough.
" "I'm all alone.
" "I'm not smart enough.
" "I'm unlovable.
" "I'll never be happy.
" "I'm always passed over.
" "The world is cruel and unsafe.
" "Men are animals.
" "Women are selfish and untrustworthy.
" Do any of them sound familiar? The sad thing is that life scripts are usually negative beliefs, not empowering, positive ones.
They are generally born in childhood or adolescence, and have some relevance to early family experiences with parents and siblings.
The tricky thing is that these scripts often hold some kernel of truth related to those experiences, but get generalized to other environments and situations, and then become self-fulfilling.
One may have been "passed over" in a large, chaotic family, but to globalize it to all of one's life is usually a distorted, depressive posture.
It's a kind of negative, selective attention which can grow like a cancer, because it's internal and often unconscious, and not usually subject to a reality check.
To complicate things further, we tend to unconsciously pick partners who dovetail in some way with our scripts.
So if your script is "I'm unlovable," you're likely to choose a cold, rejecting partner who would be consistent with that story.
You might instead choose a partner who is over-solicitous and needy, as a kind of foil or "remedy" against the script.
It's uncanny how we gravitate to friends and partners who serve some vital role in our internal dramas.
Then we wonder why we feel so stuck! If you want to have a better understanding of your own scripts and how they may be effecting your choices, there are a few things you can do: 1.
Notice the conclusions you seem to draw around various difficult situations - how you explain things to yourself, and what your self-talk sounds like.
2.
Look for any common or repetitive themes in your conclusions, like, "Here we go again - I guess I'll never be happy.
" 3.
Notice what effect the script has on your behavior - how it colors your choices.
4.
Examine how the script may create a self-fulfilling negative outcome.
5.
Think about where in the past the story might have had some bit of relevance.
6.
Explore other possible conclusions in the present you might arrive at which might not sound so repetitive, automatic, or negative, and ask yourself how the preferred story might drive better choices at this time.
("If I see this situation as an irritating challenge, rather than further proof of no possible happiness ever, what would I do differently?") Do this internal script work diligently, and notice how it impacts your moods and general sense of empowerment.
Remember, you wrote the story - you can revise it!
I think of these as "subtext" or scripts which define the way we look at our everyday and critical experiences.
Some typical scripts are: "Nothing I do will ever make a difference.
" "Nobody cares about how I feel.
" "I'm always the responsible one.
" "I'm not good enough.
" "I'm all alone.
" "I'm not smart enough.
" "I'm unlovable.
" "I'll never be happy.
" "I'm always passed over.
" "The world is cruel and unsafe.
" "Men are animals.
" "Women are selfish and untrustworthy.
" Do any of them sound familiar? The sad thing is that life scripts are usually negative beliefs, not empowering, positive ones.
They are generally born in childhood or adolescence, and have some relevance to early family experiences with parents and siblings.
The tricky thing is that these scripts often hold some kernel of truth related to those experiences, but get generalized to other environments and situations, and then become self-fulfilling.
One may have been "passed over" in a large, chaotic family, but to globalize it to all of one's life is usually a distorted, depressive posture.
It's a kind of negative, selective attention which can grow like a cancer, because it's internal and often unconscious, and not usually subject to a reality check.
To complicate things further, we tend to unconsciously pick partners who dovetail in some way with our scripts.
So if your script is "I'm unlovable," you're likely to choose a cold, rejecting partner who would be consistent with that story.
You might instead choose a partner who is over-solicitous and needy, as a kind of foil or "remedy" against the script.
It's uncanny how we gravitate to friends and partners who serve some vital role in our internal dramas.
Then we wonder why we feel so stuck! If you want to have a better understanding of your own scripts and how they may be effecting your choices, there are a few things you can do: 1.
Notice the conclusions you seem to draw around various difficult situations - how you explain things to yourself, and what your self-talk sounds like.
2.
Look for any common or repetitive themes in your conclusions, like, "Here we go again - I guess I'll never be happy.
" 3.
Notice what effect the script has on your behavior - how it colors your choices.
4.
Examine how the script may create a self-fulfilling negative outcome.
5.
Think about where in the past the story might have had some bit of relevance.
6.
Explore other possible conclusions in the present you might arrive at which might not sound so repetitive, automatic, or negative, and ask yourself how the preferred story might drive better choices at this time.
("If I see this situation as an irritating challenge, rather than further proof of no possible happiness ever, what would I do differently?") Do this internal script work diligently, and notice how it impacts your moods and general sense of empowerment.
Remember, you wrote the story - you can revise it!
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