"Life is a Banquet...
and most poor bastards are starving to death.
" -- Auntie Mame* Right off the bat, I want you to know that this isn't the usual "focus on abundance and all will come to you" kind of message that most coaches would give you.
It's not that I don't believe that there is validity in that philosophy.
It's that I think you (and I) have heard that message lots and lots of times, and there are reasons why it hasn't changed our lives more dramatically.
I want to present you with a different take on the issue of abundance.
Yes, the universe is abundant and magical.
Yes, you have every right to happiness and satisfaction and fulfillment.
Yes, you have the power to take your life to the next level.
But before things can change in a meaningful, permanent way, you must first work on seeing, accepting and appreciating the limitless abundance that is your life, right here, right now.
I've been complaining a lot about my life lately.
Not to you, dear readers, but to my closest friends and family.
Even I am getting tired of hearing about it.
So as I sit here getting ready to write about accepting abundance, the irony of that isn't lost on me.
Sometimes we all need reminders to focus on what we have, to feel gratitude and appreciation, and to let go of wanting so much.
Sometimes it's not about goals and change, but about acceptance and appreciation.
That sounds odd coming from a coach, doesn't it? Most coaches (present company included) talk primarily about having dreams and goals, making plans and taking action.
In my last newsletter, I wrote about The Secret, a stunning popular philosophy whose 15 minutes of fame is apparently running out quickly, partly, in my opinion, because its focus was superficial, more about accumulating achievements and things than about finding contentment.
Most of us who have lived a few years (ahem) know that that's a trap.
A striking paradox of life in this country is that we have so much: so much more than previous generations did, so much more than people in other countries have, but we are, as a nation, not very happy.
If the theory of achievement were accurate, that meeting your goals and having all the comforts of a high standard of living make you happy, you'd think we'd all be thrilled with life.
Like Auntie Mame said, most of us feel like we're at a banquet starving to death.
It's not that there's anything wrong with dreams and goals.
Life is dynamic and fluid, and we have to grow and change to keep ourselves vital.
But if we don't feel contentment with where we are right now, and with who we are right now, nothing we achieve in the future, no accomplishment or acquisition, will bring us that contentment.
Happiness isn't something to look for only after a goal is accomplished, or a good thing happens.
Happiness is something right in front of you, right now.
When you look at your life, you may be drawn to the holes, to the empty spaces.
You may feel distress that so much of your life is unsatisfying, and that your authentic, best life seems so far away.
You may jump right into setting goals and making plans to change things.
But in order to create the acceptance and awareness that makes those changes possible, I want you to focus first on all the areas of contentment and happiness that already exist in your life.
My challenge to you today is that you open your eyes, ears, and heart to the gifts and abundance all around you right now.
Look around your room, and see the things and people that you're grateful for.
Recognize how much you have, how much goes well, how much works the way it should, and how many people you love.
Welcoming abundance into our lives is surprisingly difficult.
Imagine that a good friend, someone you know cares about you, and has no ulterior motive, surprises you with a spectacular, expensive or exquisitely handmade gift.
It's not your birthday or a holiday and, to your knowledge, you haven't done anything special to deserve it.
"What's this for?" you ask her, and she replies, "Just for being you.
" Close your eyes and put yourself into that situation.
Feel your overwhelming appreciation for this thoughtful, generous gift.
And feel your love for your friend.
But dig a little deeper, and see what else you feel.
If there's a part of you that feels uncomfortable accepting the gift, stay with that for a time.
What is it about the gift that feels uncomfortable? Do you feel guilty? Do you feel like you owe your friend something in return? Do you feel like you don't deserve such generosity? Do you feel suspicious, like she wants something more from you? What else do you feel? Take a moment to explore those feelings ************* The universe is like your friend.
The universe surprises you with beautiful, miraculous, unique gifts every day.
All of the feelings that came up for you are there every day, and may stand in the way of you being able to recognize and accept the many gifts that come your way.
If you feel overly responsible, like the world rests on your shoulders, then you may only be able to see what wasn't done for you, and all the tasks that you have yet to accomplish.
Instead of seeing the beauty of a flower just opening up in your garden, you may focus on the weeding that needs to be done.
Instead of appreciating the cookies your child baked for you, you might only see the cookie sheets you're going to have to rewash.
If you feel suspicious, like nothing comes to you without strings, then you may go about looking for the dark cloud around the silver lining.
You might not take advantage of a job opportunity because you figure it's too good to be true.
You might not enjoy the bright blue sky because it means that you're risking skin cancer and the lawn is drying out.
If you feel selfish accepting gifts and blessings, you may just turn them down flat.
You might deny yourself a stroll on a warm evening, or the lover of your dreams, because you don't feel that you have the right to ask for pleasure.
Maybe you're the person who gives up the last piece of cake, or the better seat in the theater, and always lets someone else pick the restaurant.
If you believe that you are unworthy, you may accept mistreatment or disappointment as your lot in life.
Maybe you settle for a lousy job with an abusive boss.
Maybe you don't speak up when the tree guys drop a branch on your roof, because you believe that you just have to suck it up.
Maybe you beat yourself up for not having achieved more.
It's time to start shaking loose, and letting some of the abundance of the universe into your life.
To begin with, your own value does not depend on what you've accomplished, how much money you've made, how clean your house is, how many people love you, or how great you look.
Your value is inside.
You were born with it, and it doesn't change.
Every being on this planet has an intrinsic value that comes from being alive, and being a part of the universe.
You have as much value when you're on your couch with a bag of chips watching Brady Bunch reruns as you do when you're in a board room nailing that million dollar deal.
But even more than that, the blessings of the universe are there for all of us, with no regard for whether we deserve them or not.
The universe doesn't judge, doesn't reward or punish, and doesn't withhold.
You don't have to earn your right to the blessings of the universe.
They are there for you, free and clear, and your challenge is to allow yourself to accept them.
Remember that generous friend I mentioned earlier? What if she bestowed on you this wonderful gift, and instead of accepting it with an open, grateful heart, you turned your back on it.
What if you put it in a closet, and didn't want to look at it, or let it get all dusty and banged up from a lack of care? You'd never do that, you say? Remember that the universe is that friend, and the generous gifts are put in front of us every day.
If we don't embrace them fully, if we don't listen to our own hearts, if we don't pursue our dreams to experience all that life has to offer us, then we are turning our backs on the most precious gift of all.
As I've gotten older, I've thought more and more about the meaning of life.
I've thought a lot about my purpose, and have gone through times when I felt crystal clear and directed, and times when I felt muddled and aimless.
I've questioned my value at times, and still sometimes try to validate myself in the wrong ways.
But one thing has become very clear to me.
Life is our most precious gift, and the abundance in the universe is miraculous and available to all.
There is more than enough to go around.
The universe doesn't ask us to be self deprecating or self denying.
In fact, to do so denies and insults the graciousness and generosity of those gifts.
Simply by being born, we have each been given a profoundly valuable and infinitely changing set of blessings called life.
And our purpose on earth, the meaning of our existence, is in appreciating the profound gift of life on this planet, honoring that gift by treating each other and all living beings with tender loving care, and living that life to the fullest, to the best of our ability.
Abundance isn't a future concept.
It isn't about things, nor does it have to wait until goals are met and dreams are accomplished.
The feeling of abundance in life has everything to do with seeing and appreciating what is around you, what is within you, and what is right in front of you.
Life is a banquet, and it's up to you to pick up a plate.
Someone was telling me about a picture they saw, taken after the tsunami that devastated parts of Indonesia and other countries in southeast Asia.
The photo was of children, laughing and climbing trees, filled with the joy of life, oblivious, at least for the moment, to the devastation and loss all around them.
Even in the face of complete annihilation of everything they knew and loved, these children felt the joy that still filled their world, the joy of friends and play and sunlight and being alive.
We have so much to learn from children, who see the world with fresh eyes, and don't have any idea that some things are impossible, or tragic, or illogical.
They haven't learned to stop dreaming or expecting wonderful things.
That capacity that children have, to be exquisitely, passionately in the moment, to find the miracle in a flower, to create a rodeo out of a broken tree limb or a jungle out of a back yard, is the secret to abundance.
Once you open your heart to all that is around you now, nothing, no future dream, is ever impossible.
*Auntie Mame, an Irreverent Escapade, a novel by Patrick Dennis, 1955.
Also from the motion picture of the same name, starring Rosalind Russell (1958), and the musical Mame, starring Angela Lansbury on Broadway and Lucille Ball in the motion picture.