We all know chronic complainers.
You offer suggestions or advice, or even your sympathy, but nothing seems to move them.
  They have a reason why each of your ideas won't work.
Maybe you're one of them.
  How often do you refuse to be moved off your point, even when it might be to your advantage to do so? People often blame, complain, claim they are being victimized, and behave righteously when they are not getting what they want.
They are being wrongfully obstructed and they are helpless to prevent it.
Or so they say.
Chronic complainers often have a burning need to be right, to prove a point, to hold a grudge, or nurse a resentment.
It's greater than their need to have what they want.
And it just gets worse.
The longer complaining becomes a way of life, the deeper what they truly want gets buried under the debris of negativity and denial.
This path is a dead end.
If you find yourself in a blaming, victimized, helpless rut about something, ask yourself:  What's most important to me here? What do I really want? What does complaining give me that solving the problem doesn't? What do I feel I have to give up to have what I want? Who do I have to become to be a person that has it? If that last question generates both fear and excitement, break it into small steps: What skills do I have to apply? What resource can support me? What's the first step? How can I make this work? Fear is the most common "reason" for digging our heels in and not moving in the direction of our desires.
It's often the source of crazy-making, withholding, righteous and ultimately self-destructive behavior.
The most potent way to handle fear is to baby it.
Take it hand like a small child, and do whatever it takes to comfort yourself and give you courage.
All you need is reassurance - with yourself as your best ally -  while taking small steps in the direction you're already heading.