The moment we connect with someone else is usually when our evaluation of them begins. In many cases, the evaluation can begin even before the introduction. Our personal desires initiate the process by asking the question: "What's in it for me?"

In reading this, you may feel that this seems incredibly shallow, but mark my words: we only act in accordance to what we may get out of the deal. But more about this later. Consciously or not, it is then that our mind automatically evaluates the situation. As most of us have mastered our innate pro/con evaluation process, we know that the report we receive at the end of it will determine the outcome of our intentions.

There are all kinds of different relationships in this world that suit all types of people from all backgrounds and cultures. These relationships all have different levels and stages that can vary from bad to good. Regardless of what kind of relationship it is, all relationships have one fundamental thing in common, an offer and the acceptance or rejection of that offer.

To illustrate, here's the entire process in action:

Scenario #1: Relationships of the Heart
Richard is sitting in the university library studying when he suddenly notices a female student, Melissa, walk in and sit down at the next table.
Immediately, his evaluation process begins:

[Richard's] Subconscious: Is she attractive?
Richard: Yes, I'm attracted to her.
Subconscious: Do you want to approach her?
Richard: Yes, I do.

At this point, the subconscious requires more data to determine if Melissa is approachable and so we switch to processing mode which can take seconds, minutes, hours or even days depending on the individual. It can also take years, which is kind of futile given that by the time Richard is finally ready to approach Melissa, she could be happily married with children!

Everyone's subconscious operates differently. To the less confident individual, for whom fear of rejection would be absolutely devastating, the subconscious will quickly report: "Do NOT approach," as the probability of rejection is too high. Thankfully,Richard is confident enough to continue his evaluation.

Suddenly, Melissa looks up and notices Richard looking at her.Richard smiles. As soon as he does, Melissa's evaluation process begins:
[Melissa's] Subconscious: Is he attractive?
Melissa: Yes, I like his smile.
Subconscious: Is he smart?
Melissa: He's in the library, so he's a diligent student.
Subconscious: Are you open to a relationship?
Melissa: Yes, I might be. Plus there could be some real benefits to dating a guy like this.
Melissa finishes processing and smiles back. Richard's subconscious immediately begins to evaluate Melissa's smile:
Subconscious: Was it a good smile?
Richard: She likes me, hooray!
Subconscious: Are you sure she wasn't just being polite?
Richard: Maybe.

Richard requires more data so he continues to glance in Melissa's direction to see if he can gauge her interest. Soon, Melissa looks up at Richard, at which point he smiles at her again. Her subconscious adds more benefits to her pro list and so she smiles back. Richard's subconscious then evaluates Melissa's second smile, resulting in a final report: "It's okay to approach, with caution."

Richard sits down across from Melissa and introduces himself. Melissa is receptive and introduces herself. After a short chat, supported by more evaluating and processing, Richard offers to take Melissa out for a coffee. Melissa considers her pro/con evaluation and decides to accept Richard's offer.

Pretty simple isn't it? Not at all. We are complex human beings amidst countless conversations just like this one on a daily basis. At the very least, this is a good example of how we instinctively process the world around us and the ways we go about protecting ourselves while trying to secure our success.