Let's just acknowledge that pop culture is pretty much done with vampires for another twenty years or so.
They had a good run there for a while, what with True Blood, Twilight, Buffy, et al.
, but the ride is pretty much over.
Hell, we've already moved on (and grown tired of) zombies by this point.
Only Lovers Left Alive is not concerned with what pop culture wants or doesn't want.
In fact, it has a disdain for the populace in general.
Our protagonists are Adam and Eve, two centuries old vampires played brilliantly by Tom Hiddleston and Tilda Swinton (our very own Chris Evangelista assures me that Hiddleston and Swinton are actual vampires in real life.
I couldn't be bothered to fact check so I'm working on the assumption that he's telling the truth).
Adam and Eve share a deep love for one another and it's this love that is the core of the film.
Both Hiddleston and Swinton give wonderful performances and carry this otherwise troubled film on their shoulders with ease.
Adam is a mysterious, suicidal musician with a love of the past who lives in the crumbling, once great city of Detroit.
Eve is a passionate and vibrant thrill seeker who is currently residing on the other side of the world in the seedy underbelly of Tangier.
This separation of our two lovers is among several nods to Einstein's theory of entanglement or "Spooky Physics.
" That theory basically states that two objects become so entangled that they can affect one another even if placed at different ends of the universe.
Our "spooky" protagonists represent this idea of "spooky physics.
" OK, it's not that heavy handed in the film, in fact this idea is presented so elegantly that you really do feel like these characters truly love one another.
Director Jim Jarmusch spends so much of his time showing us just how deep the connection between Adam and Eve that he all but ignores the world they live in.
That this is clearly intentional does not mean that I think it was the right choice.
Only Lovers Left Alive left me wishing I had seen how our lovers interacted with "zombies" - Adam's word for humans - and the world they have let wither away.
What we do know is that Adam idolizes the greatest thinkers, scientists, artists and philosophers that humanity has ever known.
Everyone else he simply has no time for unless they can do something to benefit him.
The only humans in this film are ones who serve as a means to an end: procuring blood via blood bank, fetching rare guitars and wood bullets, etc.
Adam's loathe for humanity stems from the world he's watched them build up and then squander away time and time again over the centuries.
He is so heartbroken that we can't get our s*** together that he decides to end his own life.
That is, of course, until he is reunited with Eve and his will to live is given a booster shot.
That's essentially where the film starts but it never really goes anywhere after that point.
A few supporting characters come and go, but this is mainly the Tom and Tilda show.
Perhaps if they did more than sit on a couch and drive around Detroit this wouldn't be so bad but at a two hour running time, you really feel every minute tick away.
Maybe Jarmusch is showing us what it's like to be an eternal being? Just kidding! It's a slow burn of a movie though and the more I let it sit with me the more I like it, but I don't love it.
If Only Lovers Left Alive was on the opposite end of the universe from me, I'd have no idea it was there.