Bad things do happen to us.
They come from the outside and often uninvited.
But it is possible to create a good, purpose-driven and fulfilling life after a bad childhood or a traumatic life experience; it is not easy though.
It requires a plan and a consistent exertion of effort.
Every change is an effort, since essentially change is emigrating from the familiar to an unknown territory.
Because of the familiarity, some people are scared to venture out to a better life.
They've developed some coping mechanisms that have allowed them to survive, and these have created a familiar environment, howbeit painful.
Avoiding the challenge of change due to fear of a painful failure is another reason for staying with the familiar.
When people have been abused or been love-starved or 'damaged' in some way, those around them, who know their past, offer understanding and a shoulder to cry on.
This is comforting, but soon one can develop a mentality of dependency and enjoy the attention so much, that they do not require much of themselves to move out to a more successful life.
In order to move from a victim to a victor, one will need to define oneself correctly.
Never let your bad past define you.
That may be how your abusers saw you, but they were not right about you.
Refuse to see yourself through your abusers' eyes, because if you do, you take over the abuse and you become your own abuser, perpetuating the abuse.
What they did to you was not about you.
The purpose and value of every creation is in its creator's mind.
See yourself as God sees you.
He put value in you, for He created you in His own image.
You are valuable, a person of immense worth and value.
So, value yourself.
Your worth is not defined by your net-worth.
When you learn to define yourself right, you will realize that your abusers were grossly wrong about you, and this should lessen the pain.
The next step towards your recovery is to accept who your abusers were, not in a way of embracing or endorsing who they are, but simply accepting who they are.
Know that you cannot change them.
The most powerful contribution you can make towards their change is to pray for them, pray that God will change them.
This is a very powerful strategy, and it is exactly what Jesus taught, when He said do not avenge yourself, but instead pray for those who persecute you.
Until your abusers are changed, you will need to learn to relate with them anew, around your acceptance of their shortcomings.
Accepting is liberating.
Understand their emotional struggle themselves and empathize with them.
Once you understand the emotional struggles of others, when you see their hurt, insecurities and hole of loneliness within them, you cannot but drop the matter against them.
Empathy is a very strong positive emotions; it is the ability to feel another's pain.
When you do, it always overrides the resentment you may be feeling towards them.
It is literal emotional replacement, always the most effective way to forgive genuinely.
Just as much as it is important to change and replace negative emotions with positive ones, it is also important to replace bad negative behavior with positive behavior.
During the period of hurt and abuse, you learned some behaviors and reactions, to help you cope with pain and abuse.
Now that you are making a move towards a new and better life, you need to change the way you think, react and behave.
Challenge yourself to do right and overcome the fear of the new and unfamiliar.
When people are hurt, they only reach out to others to receive affection, attention and approval.
They rarely reach out to give.
But learn something new; reach out to others to give what you yourself need.
Reach out to someone and give some love, attention, approval and show them you believe in them.
You will always receive what you sow; instead of expecting to receive first, sow first.
Give someone what you yourself need and yearn for, and you will be abundantly comforted.
Also as you do this, you develop and expand your capacity to love.
The tendency of people who have been deeply hurt is to be on the look out not to be hurt again, and in the process, their focus becomes too much on themselves.
They become the center of their own world.
You cannot be loving when you are the center of your world.
You need to open outward and be a loving spirit.
Also, find a greater purpose to give yourself to.
Without making light of your pain, keep things in perspective.
The tendency is for one to think that their pain is unsurpassed.
But no, painful as your experience was, other people have walked the same road too, and others have endured much more.
Lastly, adopt a positive attitude; it is a significant mind-set for good life.