I often hear from people who ask for my advice about what to do when their spouse confesses that he or she is no longer in love with them.
  I often hear comments like: "my husband told me that he's fallen out of love with me.
  I'm floored and devastated.
  He hasn't asked for a divorce yet and said he just wanted to be honest and wanted to tell me how he felt.
  He didn't offer any solution or suggestions.
  He basically just told me that he had fallen out of love and then asked me to pass the salt at dinner.
  I got up and went for a walk and we haven't discussed it since.
  How am I supposed to react to this?  What am I supposed to do?  I'm relieved he hasn't filed for divorce, but I have to think that this might be on the horizon if I don't make a change.
  But, what changes do I need to make and how do I even begin?  I'm the same person I've always been.
  It seems to me that he's the one who has changed.
" This can be an incredibly difficult situation.
  Most people understand that they need to act quickly, but they can feel quite paralyzed because of how hurtful this reality often is.
  This statement can feel like a harsh judgment or a painful rejection so many people instinctively want to retreat and shut down, which is the last thing that you should do.
  In the following article, I'll tell you my take on how to best handle it when your spouse tells you they have fallen out of love with you.
Don't Make Assumptions That Keep You From Taking Action:  As I said, hearing these words can cause very deep wounds.
  Sometimes, people will turn this inward onto themselves.
  They will assume that they are no longer attractive, that their spouse has found someone else, or that there's really nothing that they can do to make their spouse fall in love with them again.
  In short, they will find the situation to be quite hopeless or insurmountable.
The thing is, I've seen this situation turn around many times.
  But, it often doesn't if you allow the hurt of these words to paralyze you.
  Many spouses do not get this type of warning.
  In this way, it could be considered a type of blessing if you can manage it.
  At least you have the opportunity to address it before your divorce proceeding is winding it's way through the court system.
  Take advantage of the head's up that you've been given and come up with a workable plan.
Understanding Projection So That You Don't Internalize His Saying He's No Longer In Love:  Before I go over tips on what to do in this situation, I have to explain that sometimes, your spouse may well think that they've fallen out of love with you when what they are really unsatisfied with is the grind and stressors of life in general.
  In short, they're no longer in love with their life and they're projecting this onto the most convenient person, which at this time, is you.
That's why it's important that although you take decisive action, you don't take this too personally.
  Yes, their feelings toward you may be running cold rather than hot right now.
  But this doesn't mean that the intense, positive feelings can't and won't return.
  They can and they often will if you take the correct action and play your cards right.
Setting It Up So That Your Spouse Falls Back In Love With You:  I have to admit that I don't really embrace the terminology of phrases like "falling out of" and "falling into" love.
  This implies that you really don't have a whole lot of control over the matter and that it's all quite involuntary.
  Although chemistry, attraction, personalities, and behaviors have much to do with who we love and who we don't, the circumstances and situations in your life at the time have much to do with the whole process also.
If you and your spouse are both distracted, drained, undergoing stressors, or being pulled in a million different directions, your time and attention allocation can not help but be affected.
  As a result, you may not be able to shower your spouse will affection as much as you did in the beginning.
  This is normal and natural.
  But, it's interesting that so few people connect the dots between this change and the resulting change in the feelings of being "in love.
" I firmly believe that they are intimately connected.
Without fail, when people tell me that they've fallen out of love, I am extremely confident that either the time and attention allotment has changed over time or some stressor or situation in their life has negatively affected their feelings for one another.
  Both of these things can be overcome.
  It's not always easy and it sometimes takes time.
But very often, if you can remember those things that brought you together in the first place and focus on bringing back more of those things into your life on a continual and deliberate basis, you will often find that the feelings follow right along.
  Sometimes, when I explain this, the message is understood but I'll sometimes hear replies like: "It sounds like a good idea but I'm not sure if it's going to work.
  He would never expect for me to just suddenly shower him with attention or put everything on the back burner.
"  Nothing says you have to be overtly obvious about this.
 In fact, you shouldn't.
  You should come off like someone who is just trying to lighten the load of someone you love and want to support.
 But you will often have to take a chance and experience at least a little vulnerability.
  However, there's nothing that says you can't move gradually as you're comfortable as long as you're seeing some improvement with whatever pace you are using.
  But no matter how and when you act, you often will have do something and take some action.
  Because if you just sit by and hope things will get better on their own and that your spouse will just fall back in love with you without any effort or changes on your part, you may well not get the result that you're hoping for.