Part I 

This is a true story. I vividly recall a particular couple who had tied the knots three years ago today: the husband, Peter, 50, was a foreign national, and his wife, Marcela, 30, a Filipino woman. We were neighbors; we lived about 18 meters or 60 feet away from each other. I used to chat with Peter on several occasions. I have decided to write this article, hoping that it would pique the curiosity of some foreign nationals who live with their Filipino wives in the Philippines.

This does not suggest that, in any way, there is something fundamentally wrong with this type of union. To the contrary, I have witnessed a number of such interracial marriages succeed. On the other hand, I have observed some serious irregularities and anomalies whereby in some of them have crashed as well.

In the Philippines and elsewhere, foreign nationals marry for a host of reasons: among others, love, sexual pleasure, companionship, legal, economic, social, and religious. A foreign national who is married to a Filipino woman, residing in a different culture from his own, could have some added stress in his marriage relationships with his wife for a host of reasons.

Obviously, not every interracial married couple behaves and reacts the same way under similar circumstances. Regardless of the situations at hand, there might be adjustments to be made along the way in order to maintain the romantic spark alive in the relationships.

Devastating and a Terrible Blow

Peter has been an ardent jogger who would not miss a day from doing his exercise. That was, of course, before he got himself almost killed in a car accident on his way to Baguio City 2 years ago prior to meeting him. He suffered severe damage on his spinal cord, which rendered him paralyzed.

Peter once said to me, "From being physically fit to being assigned to a wheel chair have been a devastating and a terrible blow that I have to put up with for the rest of my precious life. I cannot tell you how hard it is for me." He further added, "My state of paralysis has added a whole new dimension in my life that I had never even dreamed of. What puzzled me the most is that for many years my wife and I have had romance in our relationships, and now it is all gone."

Peter needs all the emotional support he can get more than ever before, due to the fact that is home-bound and in pain most of the time. There is a woman-helper who worked for them but there are no children in the family. For what I observed, no children live with them. Therefore, aside from his wife, Peter had nobody to chat with at home because the helper does not understand English that well.

There has been an unfortunate twist in Peter and Marcela's relationships. On several occasions, I stopped by, sometimes, around 6:00 PM or 8:00 PM to see how Peter was doing, I noticed that their car was not in the garage. One day, I decided to ask him about that.

He confessed to me that his wife, all of a sudden, has changed the equation on him. He said to me, "The reason why the car was not there when you stopped by is that Marcela no longer stays home with me during the day. She, sometimes, leaves the house from 9:00 AM or 10:00 AM and returned by 4:00 PM; many times, by 9:00 PM; sometimes, I was not even aware when she came in at night. I thought that Filipinos were different from Westerners. This is heart-wrenching and upsetting to me." I responded, "I am sorry about this and I understand what you are going through, but I think that not all Filipinos are created equal. You should take it one day at a time. Get some rest. I will check with you tomorrow."

Part II of this article will follow. Stay tuned.