I often write about saving marriages because of personal experience. Often, I'm contacted by wives whose husband's have left (or intend to), but the wives still want to save the marriage. This can be a very difficult position to be in, because you no longer have access to your husband. It's very likely that he is no longer listening to you and believes that things are too far gone.

And, you don't want to come off as desperate or weak by following him around or trying to strong arm or convince him that he's making a huge mistake or that you can't live without him. All of these things only make you appear less attractive and more unstable. Still, there are ways around all of this. In this article, I will tell you what I think (from research and personal experience) are the right tactics to take if you want to get your husband back once he's already left.

Presenting Yourself As The Person Who Wants Him To Be Happy: One mistake that I see many wives make is making themselves adversaries with their husbands. With this tactic, someone has to win this stand off and someone has to lose. Many wives follow their husbands around and argue, engage, try to elicit guilt feelings, or try to give ultimatums.

Because your husband has made a decision (whether it is a sound one or not), it's not a good idea to overtly to try to change it because he's only going to see this as manipulation by a person who doesn't value his own happiness. It's better to approach this as someone who wants him to be happy and it going to try to help him accomplish this. Suddenly, you're not the enemy anymore (which he is always hiding from.) But, how do you do this? You tell him flat out that although you absolutely want to save the marriage, he is the most important person in your life and no matter how this ends up, you want him to be happy and you want to part on very good terms. Tell him that you are not willing to just throw your history and memories away. Vow that you will only act in such a way that brings about positive outcomes rather than negative ones.

Showing Him Only The Positive Side Of Yourself During Any And All Encounters Or Leaks: After you've established that you want him to be happy (but leave out the part that you know that is with you), you'll need to do exactly what you said. But, the whole twist with this is that you're going to show him the best version of yourself – the happy go lucky, light hearted, engaging, laid back women he first fell in love with.

I know what you are probably thinking – but how will I see him? The best thing that you can do is go out with your friends and have a good time and make sure this leaks back. Do not sit around the house and mope or leave the house looking like someone who is already beaten. Most times, this is going to get back to your husband. And, there's usually reasons that you have to get together, like: discussing things concerning your home or kids or returning items that he may need. However, don't lure him to you under the pretense of doing one thing and then talk about the relationship the whole time. Stick to the topic you mentioned and present yourself as someone who loves her husband but who has respected this decision and is busy working on and caring for herself.

Go Slowly As Things Begin To Get Better: Many times, when you call this bluff and present yourself as a strong, but open and loving woman rather than a desperate who one gives ultimatums, things will begin to turn around. The tension will abate and your husband may eventually initiate seeing more of you. It's so important that you don't abandon all of your hard work. Because, in the back of his mind, he's thinking, "man, things look like they could be different, so let me take a look and be sure." If you jump the gun and push for reassurances and huge jumps forward, you're only going to confirm to him that his suspicions that you were only playing games are correct. And, once this happens, your job becomes a lot harder. It will be very hard to regain his trust and attention.

So, the best way to handle this is to let him take the initiative and move very slowly. Leave him wanting more,with you being very slow to offer it up. Doing this is ensuring that you both return to a marriage of equals – where both parties are on board with wanting to do the work to save the marriage – not just one party (you), which really puts you at a disadvantage.

When my husband wanted a divorce (but I didn't and desperately want to save my marriage), I made many mistakes. Rather than seeing the lack of intimacy for what it was, I engaged in many tactics that back fired. Thankfully, I finally realized I was doing more harm than good and was able to change course using the tactics discussed here and save the marriage. You can read a very personal story on my blog at http://isavedmymarriage.com