Is There Anything I Can Do To Save My Marriage From Crumbling?
It's like a bad dream. You never thought it would happen to you but yet here you are at the brink of divorce or separation and you do not know what to do and are asking yourself "Is there anything I can do to save my marriage?" You may be wondering how you both got to this point were you just can't stand the sight of each other, or can't talk to each other without blowing up. While each marriage is unique and there isn't a guarantee that you will be able to save your marriage, it is also not doomed to end in divorce.
It seems lately that a lot of married people having problems seem overly eager to head to divorce court without making any attempt to work through the problems that they are having like they used to do in the old days. Even when the married couple is ready for the dissolution of the marriage, divorce is still a very hard experience to go through. If it can be avoided, so much the better for everyone involved.
At the same time, if the married couple are simply staying together and avoiding divorce simply for the kids, finances, not wanting to start over again, etc, and simply going through the motions with each other, this is not an ideal situation and it may be better to simply bite the bullet and go through with the divorce since no one will be happy and life is too short to spend it in a loveless marriage. There is no point in simply being roommates.
If on the other hand you think that there is a chance for your marriage to survive, here are some tips to help you save your marriage and thereafter become more fulfilled in the marriage.
How To Save Your Marriage
If your marriage is on a downward spiral leading to divorce and you are asking yourself "how can I save my marriage?" you need to first detach yourself emotionally from the situation. Step back and try to evaluate the marriage objectively. This may be hard to do when you are caught up in the emotions that arise when a marriage is spiraling out of control.
If you and your spouse have decided on a trial separation, this may provide a great opportunity for objectively evaluating the marriage as long as you are not in constant contact with your wife or husband. This evaluation can also be done if you are still living together.
Take this time to be honest with yourself about what the problems in the marriage are. What is the real issue? A lot of couples let a lot of little things build up until they explode. Determine what the turning point was when the marriage started to unravel. What mistakes were made and how could they have been avoided.
Now is not the time for blaming your wife or husband or pointing the finger. This is a time for getting honest about what part you played. Get to the real problems and not merely the symptoms. If there was cheating involved, what led to the cheating? If there was a lack of communication, what led to the communication breakdown? Did you stop communicating because opinions were not valued or the feelings communicated were not validated? Get to the root of the problem which will greatly help if you are wondering how to save your marriage.
If it is difficult for you to be objective about the marriage or determine what the real cause of the problems in the marriage are, you may want to confide in a trusted friend, therapist, etc.
After this analysis, action is then required in order to save your marriage. Without confronting your spouse, approach him or her and ask to talk. Say you do not want to fight. You just want him or her to hear you out and then if they give you a chance, tell them about the conclusions you came up with from your analysis of the marriage and ask for your spouse's feedback.
This may be a difficult experience and your spouse may not want to hear what you have to say or may be combative. You need to be strong and prepare yourself for opposition. If you love your spouse, you should be willing to do whatever it takes to save your marriage. You must also be willing to listen to your spouse when you voice your thoughts.
Your spouse may raise a point that you did not consider so you should be willing to not only listen but also be ready to change your conclusions based on this information that you may not have thought of. This should be a give and take experience and if it disintegrates into a yelling match, end it and reconvene when you both are calmer and ready to not only talk but listen to each other. This is what marriage is about - effective communication.
If you are not willing to listen to each other and are constantly butting heads in an effort to "win", then the answer to the question "can I save my marriage?" will probably be no. Effective communication is a necessary step to being able to save your marriage. It may also be necessary for you to be the adult and if you do it often enough, your spouse will follow suit if the marriage means as much to him or her as it does to you.
It seems lately that a lot of married people having problems seem overly eager to head to divorce court without making any attempt to work through the problems that they are having like they used to do in the old days. Even when the married couple is ready for the dissolution of the marriage, divorce is still a very hard experience to go through. If it can be avoided, so much the better for everyone involved.
At the same time, if the married couple are simply staying together and avoiding divorce simply for the kids, finances, not wanting to start over again, etc, and simply going through the motions with each other, this is not an ideal situation and it may be better to simply bite the bullet and go through with the divorce since no one will be happy and life is too short to spend it in a loveless marriage. There is no point in simply being roommates.
If on the other hand you think that there is a chance for your marriage to survive, here are some tips to help you save your marriage and thereafter become more fulfilled in the marriage.
How To Save Your Marriage
If your marriage is on a downward spiral leading to divorce and you are asking yourself "how can I save my marriage?" you need to first detach yourself emotionally from the situation. Step back and try to evaluate the marriage objectively. This may be hard to do when you are caught up in the emotions that arise when a marriage is spiraling out of control.
If you and your spouse have decided on a trial separation, this may provide a great opportunity for objectively evaluating the marriage as long as you are not in constant contact with your wife or husband. This evaluation can also be done if you are still living together.
Take this time to be honest with yourself about what the problems in the marriage are. What is the real issue? A lot of couples let a lot of little things build up until they explode. Determine what the turning point was when the marriage started to unravel. What mistakes were made and how could they have been avoided.
Now is not the time for blaming your wife or husband or pointing the finger. This is a time for getting honest about what part you played. Get to the real problems and not merely the symptoms. If there was cheating involved, what led to the cheating? If there was a lack of communication, what led to the communication breakdown? Did you stop communicating because opinions were not valued or the feelings communicated were not validated? Get to the root of the problem which will greatly help if you are wondering how to save your marriage.
If it is difficult for you to be objective about the marriage or determine what the real cause of the problems in the marriage are, you may want to confide in a trusted friend, therapist, etc.
After this analysis, action is then required in order to save your marriage. Without confronting your spouse, approach him or her and ask to talk. Say you do not want to fight. You just want him or her to hear you out and then if they give you a chance, tell them about the conclusions you came up with from your analysis of the marriage and ask for your spouse's feedback.
This may be a difficult experience and your spouse may not want to hear what you have to say or may be combative. You need to be strong and prepare yourself for opposition. If you love your spouse, you should be willing to do whatever it takes to save your marriage. You must also be willing to listen to your spouse when you voice your thoughts.
Your spouse may raise a point that you did not consider so you should be willing to not only listen but also be ready to change your conclusions based on this information that you may not have thought of. This should be a give and take experience and if it disintegrates into a yelling match, end it and reconvene when you both are calmer and ready to not only talk but listen to each other. This is what marriage is about - effective communication.
If you are not willing to listen to each other and are constantly butting heads in an effort to "win", then the answer to the question "can I save my marriage?" will probably be no. Effective communication is a necessary step to being able to save your marriage. It may also be necessary for you to be the adult and if you do it often enough, your spouse will follow suit if the marriage means as much to him or her as it does to you.
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