Do You Really Want to Stop Your Divorce? - by a Divorcee
When it comes to trying to stop your divorce many of us will do the complete opposite things to what we should really do. Probably the most common things is to plead, beg and promise to make changes. A much better course of action is to be realistic. Sometimes a marriage can't be saved, and maybe really should not be saved. Determine if your marriage really should be saved.
It's easy to get frightened of the prospect of being alone, especially when you've been with someone for a long time. Just make sure that that is not the reason you wish to stay married. It's not a good reason.
If you really do want to keep your marriage for the right reasons than you've got options. Here are a few actions you can take, or not do, towards saving your marriage:
1. First things first, let's assume that your spouse it not just a jackass, but is a loving partner to you and has just gotten to the point where they don't see a future between the two of you, take some time to evaluate how you and your marriage have changed since the two of you have been together. It's sad but factual that we often drift apart from each but it happens so slowly we don't even realize it. Try to compare where the two of you are now in your relationship compared to where you was in the past. Now don't be unrealistic. People change and so do relationships, you can't expect to feel exactly the same way together as you did at the time you were twenty. That's unrealistic. But i am not saying that as the both of you have changed and grown that the marriage can't change and grow and stay strong too. Has it? Or have the both of you gone your separate ways without even realizing it?
2. Once you have given that some thought and hopefully come up with some ideas, talk to your spouse. I mean really talk, talk like you probably haven't talked to one another in years. Openly, honestly without anger and resentment. Don't accuse, just suggest. Let them know what you consider and ask them what they think. Even though you are both coming at it from different angles, you may just discover that you are both on the same page. Talking will let you find out.
3. One of the best things the pair of you can do is to find a counselor who is able to guide you down this path. The both of you likely have had many years of poor communication skills and bad habits, it will likely be hard to break those bad habits alone. A counselor will help. A counselor also can work as referee if things start getting a touch too heated. If you desperately want to save your marriage it's usually the ultimate way to go about it.
By wanting to stop your divorce you just will make your marriage better than it's been in quite a long time, or maybe a lot better than it's ever been. Just talk one to the other, and more importantly, listen one to the other. Find someone who will help you navigate this difficult path, and you'll have a very good chance of making things work out just the way you want.
It's easy to get frightened of the prospect of being alone, especially when you've been with someone for a long time. Just make sure that that is not the reason you wish to stay married. It's not a good reason.
If you really do want to keep your marriage for the right reasons than you've got options. Here are a few actions you can take, or not do, towards saving your marriage:
1. First things first, let's assume that your spouse it not just a jackass, but is a loving partner to you and has just gotten to the point where they don't see a future between the two of you, take some time to evaluate how you and your marriage have changed since the two of you have been together. It's sad but factual that we often drift apart from each but it happens so slowly we don't even realize it. Try to compare where the two of you are now in your relationship compared to where you was in the past. Now don't be unrealistic. People change and so do relationships, you can't expect to feel exactly the same way together as you did at the time you were twenty. That's unrealistic. But i am not saying that as the both of you have changed and grown that the marriage can't change and grow and stay strong too. Has it? Or have the both of you gone your separate ways without even realizing it?
2. Once you have given that some thought and hopefully come up with some ideas, talk to your spouse. I mean really talk, talk like you probably haven't talked to one another in years. Openly, honestly without anger and resentment. Don't accuse, just suggest. Let them know what you consider and ask them what they think. Even though you are both coming at it from different angles, you may just discover that you are both on the same page. Talking will let you find out.
3. One of the best things the pair of you can do is to find a counselor who is able to guide you down this path. The both of you likely have had many years of poor communication skills and bad habits, it will likely be hard to break those bad habits alone. A counselor will help. A counselor also can work as referee if things start getting a touch too heated. If you desperately want to save your marriage it's usually the ultimate way to go about it.
By wanting to stop your divorce you just will make your marriage better than it's been in quite a long time, or maybe a lot better than it's ever been. Just talk one to the other, and more importantly, listen one to the other. Find someone who will help you navigate this difficult path, and you'll have a very good chance of making things work out just the way you want.
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