How to Survive Difficulties in a Marriage
- 1). Communicate openly with one another at the first sign of trouble. Neither you or your spouse can read minds, so it is impossible to know what the other is thinking and feeling at any given time. In addition to openly volunteering your own thoughts, ask your spouse to share his/hers with you. This will show you are giving value to their opinions and worth to their emotions. Refrain from yelling at one another in harsh tones which amplify emotions of anger, fear and aggression. Use a normal speaking volume in discussion. Put a ban on certain words that either of you find hurtful such as cursing or phrases like "I hate you."
- 2). Continue to have sex and physical intimacy on a regular basis. Having physical contact with your partner releases hormones in your own body which increase your desire to your partner. This means that even if you are feeling cold towards your spouse, you can become closer through physical contact. Maintaining that vulnerability and closeness between you will make it easier to converse about the difficult topics later.
- 3). Schedule regular appointments with a marriage counselor. Even when a marriage is doing well, having a third party ask difficult questions of you and your spouse that you may not have been contemplating may help in your long-term planning and overall communication. In a session where all parties are able to speak freely, your spouse may feel more comfortable confronting you about a problem that they could not before.
- 4). Stop blaming your partner for all of your marital troubles. A marriage is the union of two people who work towards a common goal. It is the responsibility of you as well as your spouse to see the issues and find solutions. One person is never completely at fault.
- 5). Be honest about your past. If you are carrying financial debt, emotional burdens or physical pains, your spouse cannot help you if he/she is unaware of your issues. Do not try to hide things of which you are embarrassed because you are only going to create more complications down the road.
- 6). Think two years ahead at all times. Focusing only on the present of your marriage is going to leave you in a constantly reactive position. Instead, ask yourself where you and your spouse are going to be in two years. This could include changing jobs, having kids, taking care of parents, moving to a new home or perhaps battling a known impending illness. Thinking about how you will handle these situations will help you better prepare for them in the present, both financially and emotionally.
- 7). Avoid complaining about stressful situations to friends and coworkers who are overly sympathetic to your situation. While it always feels good to share what is going on in your personal life with a buddy, having someone who constantly validates this feeling of being a victim can make you more hostile towards your partner.
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