Make Your Marriage Last Despite Cheating and Infidelity
Donna Estes Antebi is the author of The Real Secrets Women Only Whisper (Publishing Consultant - Dunham Group, Inc., September 2010), which is intended for women only and features marriage advice. Here is a Q&A with Antebi -
Q: What's your best marriage advice?
Wives, if you intend to have children, you must continually reinforce to your husband that divorce will never be an option because you won't do that to your children.
When you have a family, the commitment is to your family and that's forever. The best thing you can do to give your kids an advantage and the likelihood of having a happy life is to keep your family together. Men really need to understand that divorce is not an option.
Q: You should never leave?
The deal breaker is if your husband is physically abusing you or your children. Then, you have to get out. Anything short of that just about, and you have a marriage worth fighting for.
Q: Even cheating isn't a deal breaker?
Women are programmed to kick their husband to the curb when cheating. But the husband's life will improve with a divorce. Yours won't. Don't be quiet. Don't hang your head in shame. Become a warrior wife and fight for your family. Tell men who your husband respects to talk some sense into him. They will tell him: "You don't leave your wife for a weed (what Antebi refers to women who date married men)." Then, you need to confront the weed. Leave a message with her circle of support asking them to tell her to call you "about my husband Joe." They will call her immediately, and she'll see that you know the people with whom she is close.
Then, you should tell the weed that if she ever contacts your husband again, even once, you'll let everyone in her life know what she is. She'll know you're fearless because you've already rolled the Rolodex around her.
Staying with a cheating husband is best for your family. There's always dignity in fighting for your family…Children do not fare well when bouncing back and forth between two parents. It takes two people to raise a great kid.
Q: What about sex?
Well, I've never ever heard of a man leaving his wife because of too much sex. Never say no to your husband. How long does it take? The better you do your job, the less likely he'll look for a temp. Your marriage matters and sex really, really matters to men.
The no-access rule is also important. The fewer women who have access to your husband, the better. After all, a man is not going to leave his wife for a 55-year-old nanny.
Keep women who could be weeds away from your husband. Facebook is a modern challenge. Every husband is no more than one click and five miles away from a weed. Many old flames are forming new connections. Monitor that. Share each other's passwords. You're married. There should be no secret friends.
If you're done having kids, march him in for a vasectomy. Think about how Elizabeth Edwards could still have her marriage if she had done that. You can have a starter marriage, but you can't have a starter family.
Q: What's your best marriage advice?
Wives, if you intend to have children, you must continually reinforce to your husband that divorce will never be an option because you won't do that to your children.
When you have a family, the commitment is to your family and that's forever. The best thing you can do to give your kids an advantage and the likelihood of having a happy life is to keep your family together. Men really need to understand that divorce is not an option.
Q: You should never leave?
The deal breaker is if your husband is physically abusing you or your children. Then, you have to get out. Anything short of that just about, and you have a marriage worth fighting for.
Q: Even cheating isn't a deal breaker?
Women are programmed to kick their husband to the curb when cheating. But the husband's life will improve with a divorce. Yours won't. Don't be quiet. Don't hang your head in shame. Become a warrior wife and fight for your family. Tell men who your husband respects to talk some sense into him. They will tell him: "You don't leave your wife for a weed (what Antebi refers to women who date married men)." Then, you need to confront the weed. Leave a message with her circle of support asking them to tell her to call you "about my husband Joe." They will call her immediately, and she'll see that you know the people with whom she is close.
Then, you should tell the weed that if she ever contacts your husband again, even once, you'll let everyone in her life know what she is. She'll know you're fearless because you've already rolled the Rolodex around her.
Staying with a cheating husband is best for your family. There's always dignity in fighting for your family…Children do not fare well when bouncing back and forth between two parents. It takes two people to raise a great kid.
Q: What about sex?
Well, I've never ever heard of a man leaving his wife because of too much sex. Never say no to your husband. How long does it take? The better you do your job, the less likely he'll look for a temp. Your marriage matters and sex really, really matters to men.
The no-access rule is also important. The fewer women who have access to your husband, the better. After all, a man is not going to leave his wife for a 55-year-old nanny.
Keep women who could be weeds away from your husband. Facebook is a modern challenge. Every husband is no more than one click and five miles away from a weed. Many old flames are forming new connections. Monitor that. Share each other's passwords. You're married. There should be no secret friends.
If you're done having kids, march him in for a vasectomy. Think about how Elizabeth Edwards could still have her marriage if she had done that. You can have a starter marriage, but you can't have a starter family.
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